Prospectus Hit List for August 7



by Ben Carsley

Hit List for August 3 Hit List for August 10
Teams are ordered based on Adjusted Hit List Factor, a computer generated number, and the author isn't responsible for the order of the teams.

RkTmWLW1W2W3HLFAHLFWin Div%Win WC%Playoff%1-Day7-Day
1

79

32

77.0

79.6

78.8

.708

.704

100.0%

0.0%

100.0%

0.0%

0.0%

“Win and out: 5 guys go deep as LA fries Mets” reads the Dodgers.com headline that ... ok, you know what, that’s actually really good.
2

71

40

71.3

74.1

73.1

.652

.657

100.0%

0.0%

100.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Thank god the down-on-their-luck Astros are getting George Springer back tomorrow. Their division lead is down to 15 games!
3

59

51

66.5

71.2

70.6

.608

.612

43.8%

45.4%

89.2%

3.2%

-1.0%

When do the Judge Dredd puns start? Baseball’s Wun Wun is hitting .178/.330/.342 since the All-Star Break.
4

65

44

65.3

67.9

66.0

.606

.601

99.9%

0.0%

99.9%

0.1%

0.1%

Who knew that Matt Wieters only had to move 40 miles south to be a hero?
5

59

50

64.6

68.3

66.6

.593

.598

90.7%

4.8%

95.4%

-0.7%

-1.4%

At this point we have to assume Abraham Almonte is a double-agent, right?
6

63

48

67.3

66.9

66.0

.593

.588

0.0%

92.0%

92.0%

-1.5%

-0.2%

Losing a series to the Giants? The Dbacks are the most disappointing Sand Snakes since two weeks ago.
7

63

49

64.1

61.2

60.2

.555

.560

50.8%

39.6%

90.4%

1.4%

18.5%

Matt Damon was at Fenway Park yesterday. He joined the NESN booth for an inning in what was his most coherent on-air appearance in Boston since Good Will Hunting.
8

58

52

59.0

63.1

63.2

.553

.548

72.0%

5.0%

77.0%

-1.6%

-6.3%

That’s 10 homers since the break for Willson Contreras, who clearly stole Aaron Judge’s ju-ju Monstars style.
9

58

55

56.9

60.7

61.4

.524

.529

4.8%

35.1%

39.9%

2.8%

5.8%

Congrats to Steven Souza Jr. on hitting the first Rays walkoff homer since 2014. I’m sure Joe Maddon will still find a way to take credit.
10

64

48

60.8

57.1

56.5

.532

.527

0.0%

85.8%

85.8%

-3.0%

4.9%

“Freeland lands on DL,” reads the Rockies.com headline that could also double as a Daily Kos headline.
11

55

56

59.2

60.0

61.1

.530

.525

13.0%

6.5%

19.5%

7.1%

0.3%

Carlos Martinez’s blue flow is the worst crime against hair in baseball since the Yankees made Clint Frazier trim his mane.
12

57

56

55.9

55.2

55.9

.495

.500

0.0%

22.7%

22.7%

-3.5%

0.1%

John Mulaney needs to update his skit about Ice-T learning how addiction works to include Jerry Dipoto making trades as the most relevant example.
13

59

54

59.4

55.0

54.5

.504

.499

13.3%

7.0%

20.3%

-2.9%

4.2%

The last time the Brewers honored a Prince like that he was ducking under fake punches from Ryan Braun.
14

57

53

54.4

51.9

52.8

.491

.496

7.9%

24.2%

32.1%

0.9%

-19.1%

So I guess the most surprising thing about the Royals season now is that Salvador Perez is capable of feeling pain?
15

55

57

54.5

52.3

53.7

.481

.486

0.0%

7.5%

7.5%

-2.0%

1.5%

Scouts have long believed that Tyler Skaggs might have the most upside among Angels starters. They just didn’t think it’d be because he was the only one left healthy.
16

53

58

55.6

52.0

51.9

.479

.484

0.0%

5.9%

5.9%

-1.5%

-4.0%

Elvis Andrus is really taking this practical joke too far, what with having Mike Napoli bop Adrian Beltre in the head with a foul ball.
17

52

57

52.9

53.5

53.9

.487

.482

0.1%

2.5%

2.6%

1.0%

-0.6%

The year is 2046. Cars fly and we’ve gained the power of telepathy, but Brad Ziegler is closing for a non-contending team down the stretch.
18

51

59

51.9

52.4

51.8

.471

.476

0.3%

1.7%

2.1%

-2.5%

-0.7%

Dixon Machado’s nice over-the-shoulder grab yesterday means that for once, the Orioles got to be on the wrong end of a Machado web gem. Doesn’t feel so good, does it?
19

55

56

50.3

47.9

49.6

.457

.462

0.5%

5.3%

5.8%

1.1%

2.2%

Tim Beckham is a lock to keep playing this well, because if there’s one thing we know about the O’s, it’s that they excel at getting the most out of No. 1 overall talents.
20

54

57

52.6

50.2

49.7

.465

.460

1.6%

0.8%

2.5%

0.9%

-1.5%

Congrats to Sean Rodriguez on becoming the Pirate to change teams most frequently since Jack Sparrow.
21

50

62

47.0

51.5

52.4

.448

.453

0.0%

0.3%

0.3%

-0.0%

-0.4%

We’d call Boog Powell an uninspiring return for Yonder Alonso, but the man’s name is Boog. He’s been through enough.
22

53

56

47.3

46.3

46.9

.444

.449

1.1%

5.0%

6.1%

1.6%

-0.9%

It’s crazy to see Bartolo set all these records in Minnesota, a state traditionally more known for its Colon troubles.
23

52

59

46.7

48.3

49.6

.443

.448

0.1%

2.4%

2.5%

-0.7%

-0.6%

A homer off your old team in your first game against them? That’s the biggest Aoki hit since “Pursuit of Happiness.”
24

51

59

49.5

48.2

47.8

.447

.442

0.0%

0.3%

0.3%

0.0%

-0.1%

It makes sense that the Braves want to prioritize defense by moving Freddie Freeman back to first base and Matt Adams to ... uh, left field?!
25

49

60

48.3

45.5

45.9

.433

.428

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

-0.2%

-0.8%

Noah Syndergaard GoT cameo had him fighting for the side that got trampled and torched. A little too on-the-nose, no?
26

45

66

45.5

46.8

48.3

.418

.413

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

What’s worse news for the Reds rotation: that Robert Stephenson is on the DL, or that Homer Bailey isn’t?
27

41

68

45.8

43.4

44.6

.401

.406

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

There’s nothing quite like having a reliever with the last name “Bummer” give up a walk-off homer to sum up “2017 White Sox.”
28

49

61

41.0

44.5

45.3

.409

.404

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

-0.0%

0.0%

Wil Myers leads the Padres in batting average, homers, RBI and steals. The problem? He’s hitting .242 with 52 RBI and 11 steals.
29

40

69

45.2

45.2

45.8

.404

.399

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

The Phillies are openly admitting to “winging it” in right field after Aaron Altherr’s injury, if you’re wondering how the season is going in Philadelphia.
30

44

69

45.5

41.3

42.2

.383

.378

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Did you see that embarrassing Jeff Samardzija bat flip fail? Yet another classless, showboat wide receiver from Notre Dame.

2 comments have been left for this article.
bhalpern

Dan Duquette replies: "To be, or not to be, that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer. The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Or to take Arms against a Sea of troubles, And by opposing end them: to die, to sleep."

Aug 07, 2017 08:01 AM
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lipitorkid

I'm always trying to find your best pun. I think it's this one:

"It’s crazy to see Bartolo set all these records in Minnesota, a state traditionally more known for its Colon troubles."

If that's not number one, it's at the very least number two.

Aug 07, 2017 08:58 AM
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+2

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