Prospectus Hit List for September 7
Hit List for August 31
Hit List for September 11
Teams are ordered based on Adjusted Hit List Factor, a computer generated number, and the author isn't responsible for the order of the teams.
Rk | Tm | W | L | W1 | W2 | W3 | HLF | AHLF | Win Div% | Win WC% | Playoff% | 1-Day | 7-Day |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
1 | 92 | 47 | 89.5 | 93.1 | 92.7 | .661 | .656 | 99.9% | 0.1% | 100.0% | 0.0% | 0.0% | |
RAMS: As bad as Jared Goff is, he’s going to make more starts than Scott Kazmir this year. | |||||||||||||
2 | 86 | 53 | 85.9 | 89.4 | 88.7 | .629 | .634 | 100.0% | 0.0% | 100.0% | 0.0% | 0.0% | |
TEXANS: The Astros can look to the Texans for what happens when you exit your rebuild and enter the “perennially disappointing” stage. | |||||||||||||
3 | 85 | 54 | 85.1 | 86.3 | 84.5 | .613 | .608 | 100.0% | 0.0% | 100.0% | 0.0% | 0.0% | |
NATIONALS: Is Dusty Baker ruining Kirk Cousins’ arm? My column: | |||||||||||||
4 | 83 | 56 | 89.4 | 93.2 | 91.3 | .642 | .647 | 100.0% | 0.0% | 100.0% | 0.0% | 0.0% | |
BROWNS: A cubbie at Progressive Field is literally a Jake Locker. | |||||||||||||
5 | 82 | 58 | 84.7 | 83.5 | 84.3 | .597 | .592 | 0.1% | 99.9% | 100.0% | -0.0% | 1.8% | |
CARDINALS: Congrats to Carson Palmer on becoming the most statue-esque Cardinal since Albert Pujols. | |||||||||||||
6 | 79 | 61 | 78.5 | 75.5 | 76.2 | .552 | .557 | 81.3% | 18.3% | 99.6% | 0.3% | 0.1% | |
PATRIOTS: This smartwatch sign-stealing scandal is completely bogus. A team from Boston would never, ever cheat. | |||||||||||||
7 | 76 | 63 | 77.8 | 81.3 | 79.7 | .566 | .561 | 82.5% | 9.7% | 92.2% | 4.8% | 0.3% | |
BEARS: Ben Zobrist is so damn versatile that Joe Maddon’s going to start him in the slot this week. How zany! | |||||||||||||
8 | 74 | 64 | 82.9 | 88.1 | 87.5 | .603 | .607 | 18.4% | 76.2% | 94.7% | 0.3% | 6.8% | |
GIANTS: Jason Pierre-Paul still has better hands than Gary Sanchez. | |||||||||||||
9 | 74 | 65 | 72.6 | 69.9 | 68.7 | .513 | .508 | 0.0% | 50.7% | 50.7% | -9.3% | -19.8% | |
BRONCOS: The Broncos have an all-world score-prevention unit but are very offensively challenged. They are truly the bizarro Rockies. | |||||||||||||
10 | 72 | 67 | 69.1 | 68.3 | 68.0 | .499 | .504 | 0.0% | 39.1% | 39.1% | 10.2% | -6.5% | |
VIKINGS: If the Vikings had traded their closer when they were in contention they might’ve beaten the Seahawks. Yes, this is a Blair Walsh joke. | |||||||||||||
11 | 72 | 67 | 76.3 | 77.0 | 76.9 | .544 | .539 | 13.1% | 27.7% | 40.7% | 9.8% | 27.0% | |
TITANS: I figure ex-Ram fans will want to adopt the Titans since they’re built around a gritty run game and an oft-injured arm. | |||||||||||||
12 | 72 | 68 | 71.1 | 67.3 | 68.7 | .498 | .503 | 0.0% | 24.6% | 24.6% | -5.8% | 1.6% | |
CHARGERS: Philip Rivers’ personal farm system is better than the Angels’. | |||||||||||||
13 | 71 | 68 | 67.1 | 64.6 | 65.8 | .483 | .488 | 0.2% | 10.9% | 11.1% | 0.1% | -2.8% | |
RAVENS: After a 4-4 start, look for Baltimore to boost its standings in the AFC North by trading for Jeremy Hellickson. | |||||||||||||
14 | 72 | 68 | 70.7 | 67.8 | 67.4 | .496 | .491 | 4.5% | 10.8% | 15.3% | -5.0% | -2.1% | |
PACKERS: I’d say that Sunday marks the day people in Milwaukee stop caring about the Brewers, but really that happened the first day of training camp. | |||||||||||||
15 | 70 | 69 | 73.6 | 70.6 | 70.5 | .512 | .517 | 0.0% | 15.7% | 15.7% | -0.4% | 3.6% | |
COWBOYS: The Rangers should sign Tony Romo for their rotation. It’s not like their starting pitchers’ health could get any worse. | |||||||||||||
16 | 69 | 69 | 61.9 | 60.1 | 61.9 | .458 | .463 | 0.0% | 6.3% | 6.3% | 1.7% | 1.9% | |
CHIEFS: Andy Reid : Clock Management :: Ned Yost : Bunting | |||||||||||||
17 | 70 | 71 | 70.5 | 76.0 | 76.6 | .520 | .525 | 0.1% | 6.2% | 6.3% | -4.2% | -3.8% | |
BUCS: If Irma takes out Tropicana Field and Raymond James Stadium is it a natural disaster or a miracle? | |||||||||||||
18 | 69 | 71 | 67.3 | 66.1 | 67.0 | .481 | .486 | 0.0% | 2.6% | 2.6% | -2.1% | -0.9% | |
SEAHAWKS: At least King Felix got to see the Seahawks win a ring. Ok, that’s mean even for me. | |||||||||||||
19 | 67 | 72 | 65.5 | 67.2 | 67.3 | .480 | .475 | 0.0% | 0.9% | 0.9% | -0.3% | -7.3% | |
DOLPHINS: A team with plenty of star power but poor depth and no recent track record of success? Sounds about right! | |||||||||||||
20 | 67 | 73 | 64.3 | 61.2 | 61.6 | .454 | .449 | 0.0% | 0.2% | 0.2% | -0.1% | 0.1% | |
STEELERS: Le’Veon Bell, Martavis Bryant and Starling Marte should open up a bar called The Banned Substance. | |||||||||||||
21 | 64 | 76 | 60.2 | 59.5 | 61.8 | .438 | .443 | 0.0% | 0.0% | 0.0% | 0.0% | -0.0% | |
BILLS: If the Bills are this dead set on alienating Tyrod Taylor maybe the Blue Jays can use him in the eighth? | |||||||||||||
22 | 61 | 77 | 61.3 | 60.1 | 59.3 | .438 | .433 | 0.0% | 0.0% | 0.0% | 0.0% | 0.0% | |
FALCONS: It’s still too soon. | |||||||||||||
23 | 62 | 78 | 54.0 | 56.3 | 57.7 | .411 | .406 | 0.0% | 0.0% | 0.0% | 0.0% | 0.0% | |
JAGUARS: Don’t give me that look; they’re both anonymous. | |||||||||||||
24 | 61 | 79 | 61.9 | 62.2 | 63.1 | .443 | .438 | 0.0% | 0.0% | 0.0% | 0.0% | 0.0% | |
BENGALS: 61-79 is a criminally terrible record, so look for the Bengals to try and sign the Reds before Sunday. | |||||||||||||
25 | 60 | 79 | 61.0 | 58.5 | 59.1 | .429 | .424 | 0.0% | 0.0% | 0.0% | 0.0% | 0.0% | |
JETS: The Jets have it all figured out. The best way to ensure your ball-throwers are not injured is to not have any ball-throwers. | |||||||||||||
26 | 59 | 80 | 57.9 | 63.1 | 64.0 | .439 | .444 | 0.0% | 0.0% | 0.0% | 0.0% | 0.0% | |
RAIDERS: Thank god Billy Beane can’t trade draft picks. | |||||||||||||
27 | 59 | 80 | 60.5 | 61.5 | 61.8 | .437 | .442 | 0.0% | 0.0% | 0.0% | 0.0% | 0.0% | |
LIONS: *Extremely satisfied columnist voice* Looks like both the Lions and Tigers will be bears this season. | |||||||||||||
28 | 54 | 84 | 57.0 | 54.4 | 56.5 | .402 | .407 | 0.0% | 0.0% | 0.0% | 0.0% | 0.0% | |
COLTS: Well, they’re both down on their Luck. | |||||||||||||
29 | 53 | 86 | 57.3 | 57.0 | 56.3 | .402 | .397 | 0.0% | 0.0% | 0.0% | 0.0% | 0.0% | |
EAGLES: If the Eagles sign Maikel Franco he has to be an offensive guard, because we know he struggles on the defensive end. | |||||||||||||
30 | 55 | 87 | 57.1 | 53.7 | 54.5 | .388 | .383 | 0.0% | 0.0% | 0.0% | 0.0% | 0.0% | |
49ERS: Buster Posey kneels during, like, every game, but you don’t hear San Francisco fans bitch about him. Double standard, IMO. |
Are you ready for some football?