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Prospectus Hit List for April 8



by Matthew Kory

Hit List for April 6 Hit List for April 11
Teams are ordered based on Adjusted Hit List Factor, a computer generated number, and the author isn't responsible for the order of the teams.

It's Friday, Friday, got a sack of jokes for Friday.

RkTmWLW1W2W3HLFAHLFWin Div%Win WC%Playoff% 1-Day7-Day
1

3

1

2.8

2.7

2.6

.601

.606

20.6%

23.1%

43.7%

5.9%

0.0%

Sure, the White Sox are 3-1, and that’s good, but just imagine if Drake LaRoche had been there.
2

2

1

2.3

2.2

2.1

.612

.617

14.4%

17.7%

32.1%

3.7%

0.0%

The Astros and Yankees have combined for 13 homers in three games. I say bring the fences in. Turn into the skid!
3

3

1

3.2

2.9

2.9

.636

.631

19.4%

29.5%

49.0%

3.6%

0.0%

If the Giants win the World Series this season we’ll have to hold a funeral for the biggest casualty, the unpredictability of baseball.
4

3

0

2.8

2.9

2.9

.774

.770

69.0%

16.7%

85.7%

1.7%

0.0%

After Kyle Schwarber left the game following an injurious inside-the-park homer that made it 4-2, the Cubs outscored Arizona 12-2.
5

0

3

0.6

0.5

0.6

.328

.324

8.0%

17.4%

25.4%

1.4%

0.0%

[looks at the standings] No, baseball gods, no! The OTHER red NL Central team!!
6

1

2

0.3

0.3

0.3

.311

.315

5.0%

3.9%

8.8%

1.3%

0.0%

If the Angels are the perfect ice cream sundae, Mike Trout is the ice cream, chocolate sauce, sprinkles, bananas, nuts, cherry on top, spoon, and cup. The rest of the team is the paper napkin.
7

1

2

1.2

1.1

1.2

.407

.402

1.7%

4.3%

6.1%

0.9%

0.0%

Spring training was stressful for the Marlins, who kept waking up without the facial hair they went to bed with. Asked about it, new manager Don Mattingly said, “Zip it or I’ll buzz ya!”
8

3

0

2.3

1.9

1.9

.606

.602

3.1%

8.1%

11.2%

0.6%

0.0%

The Reds are undefeated and tied with the Cubs and Pittsburgh for their division lead. It reminds me of the time my then 4-year-old son came with my wife and I to meet with our CPA. Technically the boy was there, but…
9

1

1

1.2

1.7

1.6

.617

.612

56.1%

21.9%

78.0%

0.6%

0.0%

How is a season of Yoenis Cespedes in center field and Bartolo Colon anywhere near a baseball field not worth at least six reality shows?
10

2

2

2.1

1.7

1.7

.498

.503

21.0%

20.6%

41.7%

0.4%

0.0%

The Blue Jays may not be able to re-sign Edwin Encarnacion and Jose Bautista after this season so it’s time to go all in: full powder blue uniforms!
11

1

1

0.8

0.3

0.4

.387

.392

2.1%

4.7%

6.8%

0.4%

0.0%

Kendrys Morales is on pace to ground into 162 double plays. Forget the Orioles comment, this is my new dream.
12

0

3

0.0

0.1

0.1

.245

.241

2.7%

7.1%

9.8%

0.3%

0.0%

The Padres are 0-3 and have been outscored 0-25. In retrospect citing their record was probably unnecessary.
13

0

3

0.7

1.1

1.1

.331

.327

0.8%

1.7%

2.5%

0.1%

0.0%

Guess how many people came to watch yesterday’s Phillies/Reds game? 10,784. It would have been more but the Reds charge money for tickets.
14

3

0

2.2

2.1

2.0

.615

.620

4.0%

6.4%

10.4%

0.0%

0.0%

It was great to see Rule 5 pick Joey Rickard’s dream come true when he made the team. If nothing else though it was much better than my dream coming true because nobody wants to see me naked, covered in oatmeal, trying to take a math test I forgot to study for.
15

3

0

2.4

2.5

2.4

.678

.673

16.3%

27.0%

43.3%

0.0%

0.0%

In exactly 100 at-bats, the Pirates are hitting exactly .300 with an OPS of exactly .800. That’s pleasing to the eye, especially considering most teams’ hitting stats this time of year consist solely of wingdings.
16

0

2

0.6

0.6

0.6

.319

.315

0.9%

1.9%

2.8%

-0.2%

0.0%

The Braves. The Aristocrats!
17

2

1

2.4

2.7

2.6

.666

.670

36.1%

13.7%

49.8%

-0.3%

0.0%

It’s almost as if playing with two sports hernias hurt Robinson Cano’s production. [tugs Sherlock Holmes cap further down over eyes] Almost…
18

1

2

0.6

0.9

1.0

.379

.374

3.6%

8.5%

12.1%

-0.3%

0.0%

Last season Jean Segura hit six homers for Milwaukee. So far this season he has two for Arizona. What, you don’t like overstuffed sandwiches, Segura? Is that it??
19

1

3

0.9

0.5

0.6

.339

.344

9.8%

7.4%

17.2%

-0.5%

0.0%

The miracle of early season baseball is that you can use two pitchers with 45.00 ERAs and only lose by one run.
20

1

3

1.4

1.5

1.6

.408

.403

3.0%

7.9%

10.9%

-0.5%

0.0%

The Diamondbacks, who have snakeskin uniforms, have a matte finish on their helmets because you wouldn’t want to be too showy.
21

1

1

0.7

0.5

0.5

.460

.465

64.5%

14.9%

79.4%

-0.6%

0.0%

Should the Indians really be hosting games in Cleveland in early April? Let’s answer that question with another question: NO
22

2

0

1.4

1.4

1.4

.625

.630

8.9%

13.8%

22.7%

-0.8%

0.0%

Dear Baseball, we noticed the Marlins and Tigers played two entire baseball games without getting snowed or rained on by playing in Miami. Perhaps this bears further study. Thank you. Sincerely, Everyone
23

2

1

1.6

1.5

1.5

.499

.494

2.5%

6.4%

8.9%

-1.0%

0.0%

The Rockies were off last night, which helps explain why Trevor Story only homered once.
24

2

2

1.9

2.3

2.3

.543

.548

36.4%

23.8%

60.2%

-1.1%

0.0%

How badly do you think Steven Souza’s parents wanted to name him John Phillip?
25

1

2

0.7

0.8

0.9

.414

.419

38.7%

14.3%

53.0%

-1.3%

0.0%

The current leader in the batting race is Tyler White who is hitting .667. I suggest his family quickly learn to screencap.
26

0

3

0.8

0.9

1.0

.356

.361

3.8%

7.7%

11.5%

-1.3%

0.0%

Joe Mauer haumered, but Minnesauta laust aunyway.
27

3

1

3.5

3.8

3.4

.716

.712

72.3%

14.8%

87.1%

-2.1%

0.0%

Perhaps the time has finally come for Carl Crawford to play an important role on the Dodgers. [steps in bear trap]
28

1

1

1.3

1.5

1.5

.595

.600

24.2%

21.2%

45.4%

-2.4%

0.0%

At the grocery store yesterday, David Ortiz announced his intention to buy kumquats next year. He received a standing ovation from the meat department.
29

1

3

1.2

1.3

1.4

.403

.408

10.5%

7.0%

17.4%

-3.4%

0.0%

The A’s did not have one homegrown player on their opening day roster. Perhaps Billy Beane's fertilizer doesn't work in the off season either.
30

2

1

1.6

1.9

1.8

.574

.570

40.5%

26.7%

67.2%

-5.0%

0.0%

It’s fitting the Nats, known for choking on the field, continue to employ Jonathan Papelbon.