Prospectus Hit List for April 8
Hit List for April 6
Hit List for April 10
Teams are ordered based on Adjusted Hit List Factor, a computer generated number, and the author isn't responsible for the order of the teams.
| Rk | Tm | W | L | W1 | W2 | W3 |  HLF | AHLF | Win Div% | Win WC% | Playoff% | 1-Day | 7-Day |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 |  | 1 | 0 | 1.0 | 1.0 | 1.0 | .768 | .781 | 41.3% | 21.0% | 62.3% | -0.4% | 0.0% |
| The Red Sox are on pace for 3,916 "on pace for" jokes, the most since the 1988 Orioles were on pace for 4,860 before finishing with 30. | |||||||||||||
| 2 |  | 1 | 0 | 1.0 | 0.9 | 0.9 | .751 | .736 | 50.0% | 16.8% | 66.8% | 0.1% | 0.0% |
| The good news is Yadier Molina lost 20 pounds. The bad news is the Cardinals clubhouse is a closed system. "What in the heck?" yelled Matt Adams. | |||||||||||||
| 3 |  | 1 | 0 | 1.0 | 1.0 | 0.9 | .743 | .758 | 43.9% | 8.9% | 52.8% | -0.4% | 0.0% |
| If Joe Nathan can face one hitter per appearance and that hitter is always Torii Hunter, I like Nathan's chances for a bounce-back season! | |||||||||||||
| 4 |  | 1 | 0 | 1.0 | 0.9 | 0.9 | .722 | .738 | 13.0% | 15.8% | 28.8% | 1.5% | 0.0% |
| Has anyone considered how many people's employment is predicated on Jose Reyes leg injuries? He's only doing his part for the country, people! | |||||||||||||
| 5 |  | 1 | 0 | 1.0 | 1.0 | 1.0 | .718 | .734 | 9.2% | 3.5% | 12.7% | -1.4% | 0.0% |
| "After homering on Opening Day, I'm all out of sorts. Hi, this is Mike Moustakas for HangOverz, the playoff hangover medicine. With HangOverz you can go back to being your old self again [swings and misses]. Thanks, HangOverz!" | |||||||||||||
| 6 |  | 2 | 0 | 2.0 | 2.0 | 1.9 | .709 | .693 | 1.0% | 4.0% | 5.0% | 1.1% | 0.0% |
| Two days into the season the Rockies had the best Pythagorean record in baseball. So that's it, Rockies fans. Talk to you next year! | |||||||||||||
| 7 |  | 2 | 0 | 1.9 | 1.7 | 1.7 | .674 | .656 | 3.0% | 4.9% | 7.8% | -0.1% | 0.0% |
| The Braves are going to win a third of their games, and they're going to lose a third of their games. It's how creatively they lose the last third that will determine the success off their season. | |||||||||||||
| 8 |  | 1 | 0 | 0.8 | 0.7 | 0.7 | .668 | .650 | 23.4% | 19.2% | 42.6% | 1.3% | 0.0% |
| Decades in the future when a new form of four dimensional twitter is invented, someone will make an @OldFartBartolo handle and achieve internet immortality until Colon finds out about it in between starts and asks them politely to stop. | |||||||||||||
| 9 |  | 1 | 1 | 1.7 | 1.9 | 1.9 | .663 | .680 | 15.4% | 19.2% | 34.5% | -3.6% | 0.0% |
| We all know Billy Beane's poop doesn't work in the playoffs, so has anyone asked if he's considered a fecal transplant? | |||||||||||||
| 10 |  | 1 | 0 | 0.8 | 0.6 | 0.6 | .624 | .605 | 5.7% | 7.9% | 13.6% | -0.8% | 0.0% |
| Joey Votto did not walk but Jay Bruce did. Clearly Bruce hasn't finished Votto's new treatise on hitting entitled, Screw This. | |||||||||||||
| 11 |  | 2 | 0 | 1.5 | 1.3 | 1.3 | .619 | .637 | 10.7% | 13.0% | 23.7% | 1.2% | 0.0% |
| Now that the Orioles have Chris Davis back from suspension they can move on to other business. Look out, Manny Machado's knees! | |||||||||||||
| 12 |  | 1 | 0 | 1.0 | 0.5 | 0.5 | .614 | .633 | 5.2% | 10.7% | 15.9% | 1.0% | 0.0% |
| Houston's best shot at contention involves Alex White and Asher Wojciechowski turning into Collin McHugh and Dallas Keuchel, though that would be confusing for their wives. | |||||||||||||
| 13 |  | 1 | 1 | 0.9 | 1.3 | 1.3 | .584 | .564 | 74.4% | 15.7% | 90.1% | -1.4% | 0.0% |
| You may think Andre Ethier's contract is bad, but the Red Sox just gave Rick Porcello $21 million a year and he's not playing outfield for the Dodgers either. | |||||||||||||
| 14 |  | 1 | 1 | 1.2 | 1.3 | 1.4 | .576 | .595 | 26.3% | 25.1% | 51.4% | -2.6% | 0.0% |
| The Mariners got shut out by Jay Wilson, which happens. With that deceptive motion, it's tough to see Jay Wilson's pitches, and when he... wait, C.J. Wilson? That I can't believe! | |||||||||||||
| 15 |  | 1 | 1 | 1.0 | 1.2 | 1.2 | .538 | .518 | 11.0% | 26.1% | 37.1% | -2.7% | 0.0% |
| Without Pablo Sandoval, the Giants marketing department has fallen back on Jean "The Sloth" Machi. | |||||||||||||
| 16 |  | 1 | 1 | 1.1 | 0.7 | 0.7 | .482 | .462 | 12.7% | 29.9% | 42.7% | 4.3% | 0.0% |
| A.J. Preller must have been a pain to sit next to at lunch in the school cafeteria. | |||||||||||||
| 17 |  | 1 | 1 | 0.8 | 0.7 | 0.6 | .474 | .494 | 46.3% | 23.4% | 69.7% | 4.8% | 0.0% |
| When a meteor really does fall on Millville, Mike Trout will jump over a wall and catch it. Baseball isn't just a game to him; it's preparation for saving us from the meteor apocalypse. | |||||||||||||
| 18 |  | 1 | 1 | 1.0 | 0.8 | 0.8 | .443 | .424 | 0.9% | 3.9% | 4.8% | 1.3% | 0.0% |
| Rumor: Paul Goldschmidt travels through the clubhouse in a mini version of the Popemobile to avoid infection. | |||||||||||||
| 19 |  | 0 | 2 | 0.5 | 0.7 | 0.7 | .392 | .411 | 25.4% | 21.5% | 46.9% | -3.5% | 0.0% |
| Two facts presented without comment: 1. The location of the Rays ballpark is a problem. 2. In Florida if the solution to a problem isn't to hook a 350 horsepower V8 up to it, it wasn't ever a problem. | |||||||||||||
| 20 |  | 0 | 1 | 0.0 | 0.5 | 0.5 | .372 | .391 | 24.5% | 7.9% | 32.4% | -0.7% | 0.0% |
| This time last year a $40 million contract for Corey Kluber would have been ridiculous. I say this to help prepare Indians fans for the coming $60 million Scott Atchison extension. | |||||||||||||
| 21 |  | 0 | 1 | 0.2 | 0.3 | 0.3 | .371 | .352 | 60.4% | 14.7% | 75.1% | 0.3% | 0.0% |
| The Nationals are discovering you can't buy wins by signing starting pitchers which is why they've made a $1 million "donation" to the Fred Wilpon Foundation (motto: money for me). | |||||||||||||
| 22 |  | 0 | 1 | 0.2 | 0.4 | 0.4 | .361 | .343 | 12.0% | 13.4% | 25.4% | 1.7% | 0.0% |
| Could the Pirates be this year's Royals? Nah, they're too good for that. | |||||||||||||
| 23 |  | 1 | 1 | 0.3 | 0.1 | 0.1 | .340 | .358 | 6.7% | 10.4% | 17.1% | 1.0% | 0.0% |
| Playing first base isn't even that hard. Tell 'em, Banister oh no no no it's just not the same... | |||||||||||||
| 24 |  | 0 | 2 | 0.1 | 0.3 | 0.3 | .297 | .281 | 12.3% | 12.6% | 24.9% | -2.7% | 0.0% |
| The Marlins "accidentally" left the roof open for the second time in two games. It's like they're just trying to get punished. | |||||||||||||
| 25 |  | 0 | 1 | 0.0 | 0.1 | 0.1 | .285 | .269 | 22.4% | 19.0% | 41.4% | 0.0% | 0.0% |
| Sending Theo Epstein down to be President of the Iowa Cubs isn't a smart baseball move, but as he is aware, this is a business. | |||||||||||||
| 26 |  | 0 | 1 | 0.0 | 0.1 | 0.1 | .272 | .288 | 9.6% | 10.5% | 20.1% | 1.8% | 0.0% |
| Starting Masahiro Tanaka all season is like trying to spend the biggest remaining part of a five dollar bill you drove over with the lawnmower. It should work but it probably won't. | |||||||||||||
| 27 |  | 0 | 2 | 0.0 | 0.0 | 0.1 | .259 | .244 | 9.9% | 10.7% | 20.6% | -2.9% | 0.0% |
| Kyle Lohse got a hit but took the loss, which is appropriate considering his name is "Lose" with an "H" thrown in. | |||||||||||||
| 28 |  | 0 | 1 | 0.0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | .250 | .265 | 18.8% | 7.1% | 25.9% | 1.3% | 0.0% |
| You can pee all over the Cell but does it get published all over the internet? Heck no! Total double standard. | |||||||||||||
| 29 |  | 0 | 1 | 0.0 | 0.0 | 0.1 | .228 | .243 | 3.6% | 2.0% | 5.6% | -0.1% | 0.0% |
| After allowing 16 homers and 16 walks in 32 starts last season, Phil Hughes gave up two homers and one walk on Opening Day. But fear not, Twins fans, because last year in his first start Hughes allowed two homers, a walk, and hit a batter. This is progress! | |||||||||||||
| 30 |  | 0 | 1 | 0.0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | .213 | .200 | 0.9% | 1.3% | 2.2% | 0.6% | 0.0% |
| On Opening Day, the Phillies walked down to the field through the stands high-fiving fans before the game because they knew they couldn't after the game. | |||||||||||||
Let's go Hit List, clap clap clapclapclap.