Prospectus Hit List for April 6
Hit List for September 29
Hit List for April 8
Teams are ordered based on Adjusted Hit List Factor, a computer generated number, and the author isn't responsible for the order of the teams.
| Rk | Tm | W | L | W1 | W2 | W3 | HLF | AHLF | Win Div% | Win WC% | Playoff% | 1-Day | 7-Day |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 |  | 1 | 0 | 1.0 | 0.9 | 0.9 | .751 | .736 | 48.7% | 17.8% | 66.5% | 0.0% | 0.0% |
| The breakout pitcher for this year's Cardinals is someone you've never heard of, isn't on the roster, and hasn't even played baseball yet. He's a 78-year-old man from rural Illinois, but watch it all work out. | |||||||||||||
| 2 |  | 0 | 0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | .605 | .586 | 74.9% | 14.5% | 89.4% | 0.0% | 0.0% |
| If Joc Pederson is going to fit in with this new Dodgers outfield, he better develop a quirk that stands out. Puig has the bat flips. Carl Crawford has the bad contract. Andre Ethier has the even worse contract. May I suggest balloon animals? | |||||||||||||
| 3 |  | 0 | 0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | .563 | .583 | 47.0% | 22.9% | 69.9% | 0.0% | 0.0% |
| We have to wonder if the Angels would be this adamant to suspend one of their own high-paid player if, suppose, they discovered C.J. Wilson was addicted to HGTV renovation shows. | |||||||||||||
| 4 |  | 0 | 0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | .542 | .562 | 38.5% | 20.4% | 58.8% | 0.0% | 0.0% |
| Two-part question: How many weeks until 42-year-old Jason Varitek is considered a viable option at catcher this year? And is it over or under the line for David Ortiz, starting catcher? | |||||||||||||
| 5 |  | 0 | 0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | .537 | .557 | 32.2% | 22.4% | 54.6% | 0.0% | 0.0% |
| No Maddon, no Friedman, no Price or Zobrist, but none of that matters. Rays fans typically go to Opening Day to enjoy their beautiful ballpark. | |||||||||||||
| 6 |  | 0 | 0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | .537 | .557 | 26.9% | 24.1% | 51.0% | 0.0% | 0.0% |
| Fernando Rodney purchased a 50-pack of invisible arrows on Amazon and he's really hoping they arrive to the clubhouse in time, or this season could get awkward. | |||||||||||||
| 7 |  | 0 | 0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | .568 | .548 | 62.4% | 15.0% | 77.4% | 0.0% | 0.0% |
| Indirectly, according to the BP season preview, the most likely person to earn a second consecutive World Series ring is Dan Uggla. We are intelligent. | |||||||||||||
| 8 |  | 0 | 0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | .518 | .538 | 15.4% | 21.1% | 36.5% | 0.0% | 0.0% |
| Barry Zito will start in the minors, but he'll eventually make the A's bullpen as soon as he teaches the Triple-A pitching staff at least three chords. | |||||||||||||
| 9 |  | 0 | 0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | .511 | .531 | 39.8% | 9.0% | 48.9% | 0.0% | 0.0% |
| This year the Comerica Park bullpen will be converted into a pizza parlor, that way everything that comes out of it will be something everyone can enjoy. | |||||||||||||
| 10 |  | 0 | 0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | .496 | .516 | 11.5% | 14.7% | 26.2% | 0.0% | 0.0% |
| Good for Marcus Stroman to get his degree from Duke while he recovers from a torn ACL. When he comes back next year he'll have fully learned how to get every umpire call go his way. | |||||||||||||
| 11 |  | 0 | 0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | .494 | .514 | 27.9% | 9.2% | 37.2% | 0.0% | 0.0% |
| Expect a banner year for Ryan Raburn defensive mishaps. He's been working all offseason on this and there should be some high-volume Vines of them. | |||||||||||||
| 12 |  | 0 | 0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | .491 | .511 | 9.8% | 12.0% | 21.8% | 0.0% | 0.0% |
| You know what would be really helpful with all these new Yankees players? Names on jerseys. | |||||||||||||
| 13 |  | 0 | 0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | .488 | .508 | 6.1% | 11.2% | 17.4% | 0.0% | 0.0% |
| Last year we found learned that sometimes a team just falls apart and all it takes is for everybody on the roster to get injured. | |||||||||||||
| 14 |  | 0 | 0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | .527 | .507 | 12.8% | 27.0% | 39.7% | 0.0% | 0.0% |
| AJ Preller has traded this comment to the Braves for outfielder and long-lost brother Zeppo Upton. | |||||||||||||
| 15 |  | 0 | 0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | .485 | .505 | 8.1% | 10.5% | 18.6% | 0.0% | 0.0% |
| "Time for us to once again prove the critics wrong," the Orioles said, as they pencilled Caleb Joseph's name into the Opening Day lineup. | |||||||||||||
| 16 |  | 0 | 0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | .484 | .504 | 20.8% | 7.8% | 28.6% | 0.0% | 0.0% |
| Another designated hitter named Adam. Hey, it worked out last time! | |||||||||||||
| 17 |  | 0 | 0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | .519 | .499 | 10.7% | 25.9% | 36.7% | 0.0% | 0.0% |
| Sure, Casey McGehee isn't Pablo Sandoval. Or Joe Panik. Or Bengie Molina. Or Will Clark. Or former presidential candidate Adlai Stevenson. I really forget where was going with this. | |||||||||||||
| 18 |  | 0 | 0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | .478 | .498 | 4.6% | 9.1% | 13.6% | 0.0% | 0.0% |
| Among the quieter storylines was how Jose Altuve grew several inches this offseason, now stands at 6'4", sprouted fur, grew an extra set of ears and never mind that's Orbit. | |||||||||||||
| 19 |  | 0 | 0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | .510 | .490 | 19.9% | 18.4% | 38.3% | 0.0% | 0.0% |
| "I got it." --Juan Lagares, on every dang outfield fly ball this year | |||||||||||||
| 20 |  | 0 | 0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | .501 | .481 | 14.2% | 15.2% | 29.3% | 0.0% | 0.0% |
| Technically, Jarred Cosart wasn't fined for gambling on other sports. Rather, he bet money that MLB wouldn't find out he made bets on other sports, and took the points. | |||||||||||||
| 21 |  | 0 | 0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | .500 | .480 | 12.6% | 14.1% | 26.7% | 0.0% | 0.0% |
| "It's been three years since our team hasn't made the playoffs," the nihilist Pirates fan said mournfully. | |||||||||||||
| 22 |  | 0 | 0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | .498 | .478 | 11.5% | 14.1% | 25.6% | 0.0% | 0.0% |
| Now this is how you do an offseason: 1. Trade for Adam Lind; 2. Three months in Bora Bora. | |||||||||||||
| 23 |  | 0 | 0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | .449 | .469 | 7.3% | 3.4% | 10.7% | 0.0% | 0.0% |
| Since he led them to the World Series, it's probably fair to establish a moratorium on Ned Yost bunt jokes. So we'll sacrifice this comment and move the other comments up. | |||||||||||||
| 24 |  | 0 | 0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | .433 | .453 | 4.2% | 2.1% | 6.2% | 0.0% | 0.0% |
| This was not the right year, especially for Ervin Santana, for Minnesota county fairs to begin featuring fried stanozolol on a stick. | |||||||||||||
| 25 |  | 0 | 0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | .470 | .451 | 5.6% | 6.6% | 12.2% | 0.0% | 0.0% |
| So they trade away a couple marquee starting pitchers and are left with Jason Marquis in the rotation. The new market inefficiency is homophones. | |||||||||||||
| 26 |  | 0 | 0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | .444 | .425 | 2.3% | 4.4% | 6.7% | 0.0% | 0.0% |
| Until yesterday, Braves fans were merely speaking in hyperbole when they said the team traded away everyone and their brother. | |||||||||||||
| 27 |  | 0 | 0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | .443 | .424 | 1.0% | 3.8% | 4.8% | 0.0% | 0.0% |
| Releasing Cody Ross was a surprise, as he was owed $9.5 million, but the Diamondbacks chose to do this once they learned "eating a contract" wasn't a literal concept. | |||||||||||||
| 28 |  | 0 | 0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | .439 | .419 | 0.6% | 2.8% | 3.4% | 0.0% | 0.0% |
| And so begins the LaTroy Hawkins retirement tour. He's going to get so many candles and Hillshire Farms gift baskets. | |||||||||||||
| 29 |  | 0 | 0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | 0.0 | .420 | .400 | 1.2% | 1.5% | 2.7% | 0.0% | 0.0% |
| It's not a stretch to say Ben Revere could lead the Philies outfield in home runs, especially if you modify the definition of home run to include singles. | |||||||||||||
| 30 |  | 0 | 1 | 0.0 | 0.1 | 0.1 | .285 | .269 | 21.5% | 19.1% | 40.6% | 0.0% | 0.0% |
| Maybe next year. | |||||||||||||
And so this is Hit List, and what have you done? Another year over, and a new one just begun.