Prospectus Hit List for April 8
Hit List for April 7
Hit List for April 9
Teams are ordered based on Adjusted Hit List Factor, a computer generated number, and the author isn't responsible for the order of the teams.
Rk | Tm | W | L | W1 | W2 | W3 | HLF | AHLF | Win Div% | Win WC% | Playoff% | 1-Day | 7-Day |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
1 | 4 | 1 | 3.3 | 3.5 | 3.4 | .620 | .639 | 58.2% | 9.5% | 67.6% | -1.6% | 6.0% | |
And the least popular carnival game in a recent survey according to the Society Of Crooked Carnies is the Throw The Ball Past Miguel Cabrera At Third Base booth. | |||||||||||||
2 | 4 | 2 | 4.1 | 4.6 | 4.7 | .613 | .594 | 22.8% | 18.9% | 41.7% | -1.8% | 11.1% | |
Craig Kimbrel currently has a 0.00 WHIP in three innings with six strikeouts. Small sample size, but that number should soon regress to -50.00 WHIP and all strikeouts. | |||||||||||||
3 | 4 | 2 | 4.6 | 4.3 | 4.3 | .608 | .626 | 21.0% | 18.1% | 39.1% | 1.2% | 4.6% | |
Hector Noesi was designated for assignment as soon as the team discovered his name is an anagram for "Not Cheerios." And who doesn't love Cheerios? | |||||||||||||
4 | 4 | 4 | 5.2 | 5.7 | 5.5 | .599 | .618 | 41.8% | 24.8% | 66.6% | -1.1% | -4.0% | |
"Hi, Dr. Andrews, I have this friend whose arm hurts..." "Matt Moore, I know it's you." "How did you know?" "You're still wearing your jersey." | |||||||||||||
5 | 4 | 2 | 3.9 | 3.7 | 3.8 | .598 | .578 | 60.3% | 16.2% | 76.5% | 1.8% | 1.3% | |
The plan is to eventually move Ryan Zimmerman to first and Adam LaRoche to the back of the attic, to be discovered in 50 years by Zimmerman's curious grandchildren. | |||||||||||||
6 | 4 | 2 | 4.0 | 4.2 | 4.3 | .592 | .572 | 20.7% | 14.4% | 35.1% | 1.4% | 5.9% | |
The downside of a three-homer game on the road is now Ryan Braun has that many more apology phone calls to make. | |||||||||||||
7 | 5 | 3 | 4.2 | 4.9 | 4.6 | .589 | .569 | 65.1% | 23.5% | 88.6% | 1.2% | -4.2% | |
The MRI on Yasiel Puig's thumb took forever because they had to keep telling him not to slide into the machine head first. | |||||||||||||
8 | 4 | 3 | 4.5 | 4.9 | 4.9 | .588 | .607 | 26.9% | 21.9% | 48.8% | 4.0% | 4.9% | |
Theory: Daric Barton was actually released three years ago but nobody told him or the manager and he kept showing up. | |||||||||||||
9 | 5 | 2 | 5.5 | 5.0 | 5.0 | .580 | .561 | 3.3% | 4.2% | 7.5% | 1.0% | 2.7% | |
Giancarlo Stanton had that wonderful dream again where he tethers himself to his own home run and leaves Miami forever :) | |||||||||||||
10 | 5 | 2 | 4.5 | 3.7 | 3.6 | .571 | .551 | 27.0% | 38.0% | 65.0% | 2.6% | 10.3% | |
Brandon Belt hit his fifth homer; Steve Suspenders still stuck at zero. | |||||||||||||
11 | 4 | 2 | 3.9 | 3.5 | 3.4 | .552 | .532 | 13.5% | 11.1% | 24.5% | -0.4% | 0.4% | |
18th century pirates didn't regress to the mean, so why should these ones? | |||||||||||||
12 | 4 | 4 | 4.7 | 5.4 | 5.2 | .545 | .525 | 3.7% | 12.9% | 16.7% | 2.3% | 6.4% | |
Colorado has also been in better spirits ever since the state Congress legalized recreational Tulowitzki. | |||||||||||||
13 | 4 | 3 | 3.5 | 4.0 | 3.6 | .529 | .549 | 19.8% | 21.0% | 40.8% | 5.3% | 8.3% | |
In Yangervis Solarte, the Yankees finally have something the Red Sox don't: a hitting sensation cast off by the Minnesota Twins! | |||||||||||||
14 | 3 | 3 | 3.4 | 3.5 | 3.4 | .515 | .495 | 9.1% | 10.2% | 19.3% | 1.4% | -1.0% | |
There have been eight three-homer games by players in Citizens Bank Park. Two of them (Ryan Howard, Jayson Werth) was done by a Phillie. | |||||||||||||
15 | 3 | 4 | 3.4 | 3.6 | 3.5 | .512 | .532 | 25.5% | 21.9% | 47.4% | -2.8% | -4.3% | |
It remains to be seen what the team will grow in solidarity this year; here's hoping it's bell peppers. | |||||||||||||
16 | 3 | 4 | 3.6 | 3.3 | 3.2 | .508 | .528 | 36.4% | 20.0% | 56.4% | 0.3% | -3.7% | |
If Josh Hamilton is going to bat well this year, that's an entire folder of jokes I'll need to burn for fuel. | |||||||||||||
17 | 3 | 3 | 2.9 | 3.0 | 3.2 | .493 | .513 | 15.5% | 9.2% | 24.7% | 2.2% | 3.0% | |
The Royals don't have a home run yet, as they're all waiting for Billy Butler to leg one out inside the park. | |||||||||||||
18 | 4 | 3 | 3.1 | 2.3 | 2.4 | .484 | .464 | 48.9% | 15.4% | 64.3% | 3.7% | -1.0% | |
Jhonny Peralta has two hits on the season, both of them home runs. He'll run the bases when he's darn ready. | |||||||||||||
19 | 3 | 3 | 2.7 | 2.7 | 2.7 | .474 | .494 | 14.3% | 9.1% | 23.4% | -1.2% | -4.7% | |
Over the weekend Cleveland traded for Colt Hynes for Duke von Schamann and Preston Guilmet for Torsten Boss. In a related story, your name is boring and stupid. | |||||||||||||
20 | 2 | 5 | 2.7 | 4.0 | 3.7 | .474 | .454 | 14.3% | 10.1% | 24.3% | -3.1% | -4.9% | |
Jonathan Broxton is off the disabled list, but his pants seamstress won't be back from materity leave for weeks! | |||||||||||||
21 | 3 | 4 | 3.1 | 3.3 | 3.4 | .464 | .483 | 7.9% | 4.8% | 12.6% | -2.5% | -3.8% | |
<' Even money this is the team with the executive in favor of seven-inning games. | |||||||||||||
22 | 2 | 4 | 2.6 | 3.0 | 3.2 | .452 | .433 | 2.7% | 3.2% | 5.9% | -0.9% | -1.1% | |
I read the unofficial Cubs mascot knocked out a fan in a bar, but Old Style has that effect on lots of people. | |||||||||||||
23 | 3 | 4 | 2.5 | 2.2 | 2.5 | .435 | .454 | 9.6% | 14.5% | 24.1% | 1.2% | -2.6% | |
Wow, Mark Buehrle is throwing some heat! Never mind, the radar gun is stuck on km/h. | |||||||||||||
24 | 3 | 4 | 3.1 | 2.7 | 2.7 | .425 | .445 | 4.1% | 3.0% | 7.1% | -0.9% | 1.2% | |
Joe Mauer moves to first base and yet his backup has 11 more RBI than him. | |||||||||||||
25 | 3 | 4 | 2.4 | 2.0 | 2.1 | .421 | .441 | 15.2% | 14.7% | 30.0% | -1.7% | 1.9% | |
The Rangers have three home runs on the year and two of them are by Elvis Andrus and Robinson Chirinos. | |||||||||||||
26 | 2 | 4 | 1.4 | 1.6 | 1.8 | .385 | .366 | 2.9% | 9.8% | 12.6% | -8.6% | -17.8% | |
Tommy Medica started as their DH last night. Be honest, Padres, on your road trip you forgot to pack a designated hitter. | |||||||||||||
27 | 2 | 7 | 2.5 | 2.7 | 2.8 | .380 | .361 | 1.3% | 6.5% | 7.8% | -1.5% | -5.1% | |
They've started 2-8 in two other seasons: 1998 (expansion year), and 2003 (something called Elmer Dessens led the team in starts). | |||||||||||||
28 | 2 | 4 | 2.0 | 1.4 | 1.5 | .378 | .359 | 4.5% | 5.8% | 10.2% | 0.8% | -3.2% | |
Lifehack: bet a penny on Bartolo Colon winning a Silver Slugger; retire the richest man in the Western Hemisphere and spend all your time reading great Hit List jokes and drinking purified water from the sultan's personal refrigerator. | |||||||||||||
29 | 2 | 5 | 2.3 | 1.5 | 1.6 | .374 | .392 | 3.3% | 6.9% | 10.2% | -2.0% | -6.3% | |
Delmon Young batted second yesterday for the first time in six years and recorded three hits, including a home run, pushing his inevitable release back a month to, let's say, July. | |||||||||||||
30 | 3 | 4 | 1.9 | 2.0 | 1.9 | .361 | .380 | 0.5% | 0.6% | 1.2% | -0.4% | -0.4% | |
Not sure why Matt Albers was placed on the paternity list. He'll get to spend time with his child as Baby Albers is scheduled to pitch Friday. |