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Prospectus Hit List for September 4



by Matt Sussman

Hit List for September 3 Hit List for September 5
Teams are ordered based on Adjusted Hit List Factor, a computer generated number, and the author isn't responsible for the order of the teams.

If oooouuur looooove is HitListy why are you my remedy?

RkTmWLW1W2W3HLFAHLFWin Div%Win WC%Playoff%1-Day7-Day
1

81

58

86.8

93.5

93.0

.637

.656

99.6%

0.3%

99.9%

-0.1%

0.7%

Jim Leyland compared Max Scherzer to Bo Derek yesterday, when the Atari comparison was right there.
2

83

57

84.2

83.5

82.9

.596

.615

93.7%

5.6%

99.3%

0.4%

2.7%

Over 56 percent of Will Middlebrooks' hits have been up the middle. Are you thinking of the same defensive shift as me?
3

85

53

84.6

84.6

81.6

.608

.589

100.0%

0.0%

100.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Evan Gattis hit his second home run of the second half yesterday, both against the Mets.
4

80

58

78.6

78.1

76.9

.568

.587

60.6%

36.4%

97.0%

1.7%

2.1%

My word, Nelson Cruz hasn't homered in a month!
5

76

61

73.2

80.7

81.2

.568

.587

5.5%

69.2%

74.7%

4.4%

-10.2%

Joe Maddon is using Delmon Young beautifully in defensive shifts. He just has him run into the dugout and sit quietly.
6

79

59

77.2

76.3

74.7

.557

.576

39.4%

56.2%

95.6%

-1.6%

18.9%

I don't know what to think of Josh Donaldson's haircut, but you really should buy his Best of the '80s compilation.
7

78

61

80.4

81.4

81.4

.578

.558

17.7%

81.1%

98.8%

0.6%

6.8%

Billy Hamilton's major league debut: pinch-runner, stolen base off Yadier Molina. Right into the belly of the beast, then?
8

79

59

83.4

78.4

78.0

.578

.558

28.2%

71.4%

99.6%

-0.2%

-0.1%

Two hits and 12 strikeouts is a terrible combination out of their lineup because this is baseball, not marijuana bowling.
9

83

55

77.5

80.3

78.0

.578

.558

100.0%

0.0%

100.0%

0.0%

0.6%

This month's slogan: "Bat Michael Young cleanup and watch the Internet weep."
10

81

57

76.3

78.1

78.8

.569

.549

54.1%

45.8%

100.0%

0.0%

2.1%

Justin Morneau thought he would get a change of scenery when going from the Twins to the Pirates, but nope, pirates look the same too.
11

73

64

72.8

70.0

71.3

.524

.544

0.5%

9.3%

9.8%

-5.2%

-2.8%

They are now 15-25 in one-run games this year, compared to 29-9 last year. In fairness, last night was a four-run deficit cut to one with a three-run homer in the ninth, but still! Hit five-run homers!
12

73

65

71.8

70.3

72.2

.520

.540

0.3%

11.8%

12.1%

0.5%

-15.4%

A mere three games with the team and Jason Kubel is already tied for second on the team with three intentional walks.
13

72

66

74.1

66.8

67.4

.508

.528

0.1%

1.1%

1.2%

0.4%

0.3%

Carlos Peņa has resurfaced in Kansas City! And I don't mean "resurfacing" as in emerging from the center field fountain. Although that's how I'd make an entrance.
14

74

64

69.6

62.8

64.1

.490

.510

0.3%

10.2%

10.5%

-0.5%

3.5%

You say there is nothing left to watch this month? Well, Vernon Wells stole home last night. Always be on high alert.
15

64

73

66.3

68.2

67.1

.485

.505

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Gotta fire somebody for this sad, sad season! Perhaps fire an actual angel. Specifically the one who looked over Albert Pujols' health. He spends his entire shift on Facebook games.
16

64

75

64.7

63.0

65.0

.462

.481

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

J.P. Arencibia almost has more passed balls (13) than walks (16).
17

70

68

67.3

68.7

67.9

.496

.476

0.0%

1.4%

1.4%

0.1%

-1.9%

Their playoff chances will increase if they earmark a "sixth playoff spot" onto any Senate bill that moves.
18

69

68

68.5

66.9

67.0

.495

.475

0.0%

0.3%

0.3%

-0.6%

-7.5%

John McCain would never dare check the Diamondbacks score on his phone during a Senate meeting. The cursing during the Heath Bell appearance would be a giveaway.
19

61

76

59.5

61.9

62.2

.446

.466

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Brian Dozier hit his 17th home run as a Twins second baseman. Last year all Twins second baseman hit a combined one home run.
20

62

76

57.8

61.6

60.9

.439

.459

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Felix Hernandez injured his back, which is what happens when ignoring medical advice to stop carrying the Mariners every year.
21

65

75

68.1

67.7

64.8

.474

.454

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Dexter Fowler is already the franchise leader in triples. Related: before him, this was actually a thing held by Neifi Perez.
22

56

81

59.5

59.7

59.2

.428

.447

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Find a pool noodle, some barbiturates and smear Vaseline on your bifocals. Congratulations, you're batting against Chris Sale!
23

62

75

64.5

62.8

62.5

.460

.440

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Maybe just have Carlos Torres wear a Matt Harvey jersey and see who notices?
24

58

80

62.8

65.7

65.7

.457

.437

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Zach Rosscup had 20 K/9 in Triple-A, and they called him up. But they need to do something about that name. How about Zach Rosscub?
25

59

79

61.4

64.3

65.9

.454

.434

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

The Brewers were off yesterday. [whispering offstage] They weren't? Well, this is awkward.
26

61

77

59.5

64.2

65.0

.452

.433

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

-0.0%

It would be in poor taste to play any "They Might Be Giants" at AT&T Park, because of course they are. Look at the jerseys.
27

62

76

59.1

59.8

60.1

.436

.417

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

They locked up Will Venable for two years, which equates to 58 substantiated trade rumors.
28

63

76

56.6

55.5

57.5

.418

.399

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Ironically, Ruben Amaro, Jr. is in first place in his fantasy baseball league.
29

52

85

55.2

50.7

51.5

.382

.363

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Call me when the home run sculpture is replaced with an interactive mural of Giancarlo Stanton and Jose Fernandez posing like in the Sistine Chapel ceiling.
30

45

93

49.2

44.0

46.1

.334

.352

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

They acquired catcher Matt Pagnozzi from the Braves, which is the September trade we were waiting for. They are ready for the stretch run.