| CHN |
0 |
0 |
0.56 |
90.6 |
67.9 |
16 |
84 |
In a show of team solidarity, Joe Maddon is going to have everyone wear the same jerseys in ball games this year. What a card! |
| LAN |
0 |
0 |
0.557 |
90.1 |
66.2 |
14.7 |
80.8 |
With 10 players starting the season on the disabled list, perhaps not removing the bear traps from the Dodgers' camp was a poor choice in hindsight. |
| CLE |
0 |
0 |
0.55 |
89 |
62.8 |
14.9 |
77.7 |
There's no Sports Illustrated jinx this year to contend with, but the hot dog they're selling with Froot Loops on it was self-inflicted. |
| NYN |
0 |
1 |
0.548 |
88.9 |
55.1 |
21.5 |
76.5 |
To: Royals
Re: Series
Message: Okay, best six out of 11? |
| WAS |
0 |
0 |
0.537 |
86.9 |
37.9 |
26.5 |
64.6 |
Clearly they were not able to defend last spring's World Series favorite crown, adding further evidence to the "regular season hangover" theory. |
| TBA |
0 |
1 |
0.532 |
86 |
34.5 |
24.9 |
59.4 |
The Rays are a staggering 0-1 this season when their lineup features two Logans at the top of the order. |
| HOU |
0 |
0 |
0.527 |
85.5 |
43.8 |
14.8 |
58.6 |
The Astros probably don't want to experience another roller coaster season, especially since Jose Altuve is not tall enough to ride it. |
| BOS |
0 |
0 |
0.519 |
84.1 |
25.4 |
20.7 |
46.1 |
If Pablo Sandoval can't laugh at the fact that a player with $77 million left on his contract lost his starting job to a player with five career starts at third base, then he can pay someone to laugh for him, and make another person unreasonably happy. |
| SEA |
0 |
0 |
0.514 |
83.1 |
29.4 |
14.2 |
43.5 |
Say what you will about expectations, but any April where the team doesn't relocate to Milwaukee is a successful team. |
| SFN |
0 |
0 |
0.514 |
83.3 |
18.7 |
22.6 |
41.3 |
Madison Bumgarner is the youngest pitcher on the Giants staff by 11 months, so even though he's won three championships and a World Series MVP, by time on this earth he is most likely to not understand any given pop culture reference. |
| TOR |
1 |
0 |
0.514 |
83.5 |
21.6 |
21 |
42.6 |
In the most ambitious social experiment north of the border since eliminating the penny, we're going to find out this year if a baseball team can win the AL East without a first baseman. |
| CHA |
0 |
0 |
0.511 |
82.7 |
18.4 |
19.8 |
38.2 |
They may last the entire season without a full-time teenager in the clubhouse, but as consolation they still have a regular named Melky. |
| NYA |
0 |
0 |
0.507 |
82 |
15.8 |
18.3 |
34.2 |
There are lots of things you shouldn't do with time travel, but chief among them is showing a baseball fan from 10 years ago the current states of CC Sabathia and Alex Rodriguez. Don't break their hearts; just let them find out naturally like the rest of us. |
| PIT |
1 |
0 |
0.507 |
82.2 |
13.9 |
22 |
35.9 |
When you get right down to it, the card can't truly be that wild if Pittsburgh keeps claiming it. |
| SLN |
0 |
1 |
0.505 |
81.7 |
11.6 |
19.7 |
31.3 |
Jeremy Hazelbaker's first major league plate appearance was a cool story on Opening Day.
"So they lost?"
"Yep." |
| TEX |
0 |
0 |
0.491 |
79.5 |
13.2 |
9.3 |
22.5 |
It's too bad Ian Desmond didn't take uniform number 22 to see if his teammates would see the jersey and get the reference. |
| ARI |
0 |
0 |
0.488 |
79 |
7.6 |
12.1 |
19.7 |
If Chris Owings in center field doesn't work out, he can always fall back on his Irish sports bar idea, Chris O'Wings. |
| DET |
0 |
0 |
0.487 |
79 |
8.4 |
11.7 |
20.1 |
They don't play their first game until Tuesday, but there is still the chance of a seventh inning meltdown tonight. |
| MIN |
0 |
0 |
0.484 |
78.6 |
6.9 |
10.8 |
17.7 |
Pretty ironic that they have so many Rookie of the Year candidates, yet the weird 90s movie about them was Little Big League. |
| MIA |
0 |
0 |
0.482 |
78.1 |
5.2 |
10 |
15.2 |
The Marlins may be the first team in history whose offseason moves consisted of buying a 20-pack of pitchers at Costco, then sleeping until March. |
| MIL |
0 |
0 |
0.479 |
77.6 |
4.4 |
9.2 |
13.6 |
With a revamped infield, the Brewers are certain to finish as high as fifth place in the division, perhaps even fourth. |
| SDN |
0 |
0 |
0.477 |
77.4 |
4.3 |
8.4 |
12.8 |
This new-look team isn't your grandfather's Padres, which would make them your great-grandfather's, probably 90 years old and in no shape to hit a curveball. |
| OAK |
0 |
0 |
0.474 |
76.9 |
7.1 |
5 |
12.1 |
Never make the same mistake twice. Given this, the A's are sure to never trade Josh Donaldson again. |
| ANA |
0 |
0 |
0.472 |
76.4 |
6.5 |
4.7 |
11.2 |
If you have to ask why the Angels were playing an exhibition game after the regular season had technically begun, then you'll never know. |
| COL |
0 |
0 |
0.47 |
76.3 |
3.2 |
7.4 |
10.6 |
Coors Field hosted a hockey game this offseason, and both teams only hit a combined three home runs. So this is a good sign for this year's park effects. |
| KCA |
1 |
0 |
0.47 |
76 |
3.5 |
5.2 |
8.7 |
Once the Royals realize computers can do many more things than project baseball records, such as order pizza and sweep for mines, they might enjoy them more. |
| CIN |
0 |
0 |
0.467 |
75.8 |
2.2 |
5.9 |
8.1 |
This may be a fine season in Cincinnati yet, with a lineup of Joey Votto and eight other masks Joey Votto can wear to the plate. |
| BAL |
0 |
0 |
0.465 |
75.3 |
2.7 |
4.7 |
7.3 |
The Orioles have informed us that this comment better be about Hyun-soo Kim or else he gets released with full salary. |
| ATL |
0 |
0 |
0.451 |
73.1 |
1.1 |
2.5 |
3.6 |
I wonder what the other 29 ballparks are going to gift to Turner Field on its retirement tour. |
| PHI |
0 |
0 |
0.441 |
71.5 |
0.7 |
1.4 |
2.2 |
If that's not excitement you're feeling for Jeremy Hellickson as your Opening Day starter, it might have been that meatball sub you ate last night. |
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Ah! Hit List! I've missed you so. Thanks, Matt!