Quantcast

Prospectus Hit List for June 4



by Matthew Kory

Hit List for June 2 Hit List for June 6
Teams are ordered based on Adjusted Hit List Factor, a computer generated number, and the author isn't responsible for the order of the teams.

Hey now, you're a Hit List, get your joke on.

RkTmW LW1W2W3HLFAHLFWin Div%Win WC%Playoff%1-Day7-Day
1

24

36

23.4

25.5

25.9

.443

.423

0.1%

1.2%

1.2%

0.4%

-0.1%

New Diamondbacks pitcher “Chase Anderson” is an unholy collage of body parts from Brett Anderson and some Padres pitcher, probably.
2

23

36

24.9

26.6

27.3

.480

.500

1.8%

2.5%

4.3%

-3.1%

-15.1%

David Price won’t be suspended for hitting David Ortiz and Mike Carp which finally and conclusively proves two negatives do make a positive.
3

25

34

25.1

27.4

28.5

.437

.457

0.1%

0.8%

0.9%

0.4%

0.5%

The Hit List has learned that with the first overall pick in tomorrow’s draft, the Astros will select Mike Trout. “Yeah, we kinda messed that up a few years back,” said the Astros. “We’re glad to have the opportunity to right that wrong.”
4

21

34

25.6

27.2

27.0

.456

.436

0.5%

0.6%

1.1%

0.1%

-0.6%

After 90 years the Cubs are switching radio stations, which should make the 17 Cubs fans sober enough to change the station furious.
5

26

33

25.0

23.5

23.9

.476

.456

1.1%

7.8%

8.9%

-0.5%

-3.8%

Last night the Padres used the following four pitchers (in order): Jesse Hahn, Jason Lane, Kevin Quackenbush, and Huston Street. Find the intersection of Hahn Lane and Quackenbush Street and you’ll find buried treasure!
6

24

32

22.9

22.6

23.3

.442

.423

1.7%

1.8%

3.5%

-0.9%

-4.4%

And people say the Phillies haven’t done a good job of drafting. Look at Jon Singleton! Nice job, Phillies!
7

27

31

28.0

28.0

27.7

.507

.527

10.8%

12.7%

23.5%

-3.4%

9.2%

The Red Sox left 10 runners on base through seven innings. The most they could have left is 21. So through seven innings the Red Sox were doing half as badly as they possibly could. The Red Sox: mediocre at being bad.
8

28

30

29.5

27.2

26.7

.472

.452

5.4%

5.1%

10.5%

-1.0%

4.8%

Curtis Granderson had three hits, but too little too late said the guy who cut him in my fantasy league.
9

28

30

27.2

25.0

25.0

.465

.485

4.6%

5.9%

10.5%

0.8%

1.2%

The Royals have 26 homers and 28 wins. Who ya got???
10

28

30

26.5

26.9

27.8

.482

.462

7.9%

9.7%

17.6%

3.0%

8.9%

Quick Quiz! The Pirates are playing the Padres! How many of those teams are real?
11

29

30

27.8

28.1

28.7

.484

.504

8.7%

10.4%

19.1%

1.4%

7.8%

Grady Sizemore was booed during the first at-bat of his second game back in Cleveland. Then the fans remembered he’s awful and went back to being cold.
12

30

30

28.8

27.3

26.5

.463

.483

4.8%

6.3%

11.1%

1.3%

-0.9%

Dad: [Ring ring] Hello? Oh! Hi Jose! How are you doing? Abreu: [homers] Dad: Good talk, son. Good talk.
13

30

29

30.2

32.5

32.1

.536

.516

37.2%

17.9%

55.1%

-0.6%

-21.0%

Kolton Wong hit his first career grand slam but was picked off first to end the game come on Cardinals fans that never gets old!
14

29

29

26.0

24.6

25.7

.470

.490

2.4%

11.8%

14.2%

-3.3%

1.2%

The Rangers went 0-for-8 with runners in scoring position, but for Adrian Beltre, any base is scoring position. You know, because he homered.
15

27

29

27.3

28.5

28.3

.490

.470

9.2%

10.4%

19.7%

2.0%

10.7%

Homer Bailey didn’t suck last night but the Reds brought in J.J. Hoover afterwards just in case.
16

27

29

25.8

26.2

26.1

.462

.482

3.5%

5.2%

8.7%

0.9%

-1.4%

The Twins lead baseball in homers (by a second baseman shhh!)!
17

31

29

31.5

31.5

30.6

.563

.543

27.8%

49.8%

77.5%

-4.7%

-9.6%

The good guys fell to the White Sox 4-1, but you’d never catch Vin Scully saying that.
18

28

29

31.6

32.6

30.6

.509

.489

1.8%

13.6%

15.4%

-1.6%

-12.7%

I bet when people say “Hey brother” to Rex Brothers he assumes he misheard them.
19

30

28

31.6

29.4

30.3

.507

.527

4.9%

20.9%

25.7%

2.0%

5.4%

Robinson Cano’s career OPS is .858. His OPS on the road this season is .862. His OPS at Safeco Field this season is .736. His career OPS at Safeco Field is .799. Here is some paper and a crayon. Draw your own conclusions.
20

29

28

25.7

25.2

25.3

.491

.511

15.4%

13.7%

29.1%

-6.3%

-12.1%

After homereixng last neixght eixt appeixars Mark Teixeira’s wreisxt eixs feixne.
21

30

28

31.2

30.4

30.6

.472

.452

5.9%

6.2%

12.1%

3.0%

1.4%

Sergeant: You listen up, Alvarez and you listen up good! You can’t be an ace if you don’t strike anyone out! Alvarez: /busts up office Sergeant: Well… ok, but just this once! Next time on Henderson Alvarez: Staff Ace!
22

28

28

30.4

30.3

30.2

.539

.519

44.2%

14.5%

58.6%

8.2%

7.1%

If things keep going this way for Ryan Zimmerman, his first pitch on Ryan Zimmerman Day in 10 years will rival 50 Cent’s.
23

30

27

31.1

34.9

34.7

.557

.577

22.1%

46.7%

68.8%

-4.4%

-13.7%

Josh Hamilton came back and Mike Trout left the game with an injury so it’s logical to conclude Josh Hamilton stole Mike Trout’s Lifeforce! (It’s an energy drink.)
24

29

27

27.9

26.8

26.4

.502

.522

17.9%

18.9%

36.8%

8.5%

5.1%

I’ll always remember where I was the evening Nelson Cruz went back to Dallas, Texas and murdered Kennedy… no wait, it was Saunders’ fastball.
25

31

26

29.6

30.5

30.9

.520

.500

42.8%

17.5%

60.3%

-3.7%

1.6%

Rookie Tommy La Stella is hitting .421. Hopefully he’s made aware that insolence like that will not be tolerated in the Atlanta clubhouse.
26

35

24

33.6

32.7

31.9

.541

.560

54.2%

15.5%

69.7%

4.1%

6.9%

Like Edwin Encarnacion, who runs the bases with a pretend parrot, the Blue Jays will choose their own imaginary animals. Jose Reyes will ride an imaginary donkey after homers, Jose Bautista will use a pretend snake, a Brett Lawrie says this game is stupid and he's just going to punch some bro’s lights out, dude.
27

35

24

32.4

32.1

31.4

.523

.503

45.1%

20.4%

65.5%

-2.7%

11.0%

The Brewers are eighth in slugging percentage and seventh in home runs and their starting first baseman is Lyle Overbay. Teach us your sorcery, Brewers, and together we’ll save the planet!
28

31

23

28.6

29.0

28.4

.545

.565

78.4%

6.8%

85.2%

-1.8%

-4.1%

Torii Hunter hits fastballs. Do you think at parties he introduces himself as “Torii Hunter, fastball… uh… hunter”?
29

36

22

41.4

41.0

41.2

.603

.622

70.5%

21.9%

92.4%

2.8%

9.9%

Former quad-A player and current All Star Brandon Moss homered twice last night. One day someone will write a country song about him and it will be terrible.
30

37

21

35.7

33.1

33.1

.562

.542

69.3%

23.7%

93.0%

-0.8%

6.7%

Tim Lincecum is situated between a guy named Homer and a guy named Wood on the ERA leaderboards. The first one is easy but what’s the significance of the second? “Dead as a piece of?” Tell us, baseball gods!