Prospectus Hit List for April 14
Hit List for April 11
Hit List for April 16
Teams are ordered based on Adjusted Hit List Factor, a computer generated number, and the author isn't responsible for the order of the teams.
Rk | Tm | W | L | W1 | W2 | W3 | HLF | AHLF | Win Div% | Win WC% | Playoff% | 1-Day | 7-Day |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
1 | 5 | 8 | 4.1 | 3.4 | 3.5 | .358 | .377 | 0.2% | 0.5% | 0.7% | -0.4% | -0.9% | |
The most extreme shift they played this year was moving the third baseman all the way into a Houston family's home and turn their TV to the Astros game. | |||||||||||||
2 | 4 | 11 | 4.6 | 5.4 | 5.7 | .405 | .386 | 0.9% | 4.5% | 5.4% | -2.0% | -3.9% | |
Since the Dodgers jumped into their pool, Arizona is 0-5 against them. Perhaps the D'backs should just find a pool in LA and commandeer it, just to break the streak. | |||||||||||||
3 | 5 | 8 | 6.7 | 6.9 | 7.2 | .462 | .442 | 1.1% | 1.5% | 2.6% | -1.3% | -3.9% | |
Jeff Baker is struggling, but more importantly he was born in Bad Kissingen, Germany, and refuses to respond to anything but The Makeout King. | |||||||||||||
4 | 4 | 8 | 5.1 | 5.5 | 5.4 | .435 | .415 | 1.5% | 2.2% | 3.7% | -1.8% | -3.1% | |
Nobody can ever pronounce or spell Jeff Samardzija, so perhaps he can alphabetize it to make it easier for everyone. You would buy a Jeff Aaadijmrsz shirsey. | |||||||||||||
5 | 6 | 7 | 6.6 | 7.4 | 7.1 | .503 | .483 | 2.5% | 10.1% | 12.6% | -5.6% | -1.7% | |
The offense is clicking, now they just need some pitcher, and for those pitchers to throw baseballs of pure adamantium. | |||||||||||||
6 | 5 | 7 | 4.9 | 4.1 | 4.0 | .428 | .448 | 3.5% | 7.0% | 10.5% | -2.7% | -1.7% | |
Delmon Young had two outfield assists yesterday, but the real question is why were you in the lineup against the Orioles? | |||||||||||||
7 | 5 | 7 | 4.8 | 5.7 | 5.7 | .472 | .452 | 4.4% | 15.7% | 20.1% | 2.2% | -1.2% | |
After being pranked by teammates in Triple-A, no way Jeff Francoeur falls for the "you've been called up to the Padres" classic gag. | |||||||||||||
8 | 5 | 7 | 4.4 | 2.8 | 3.1 | .391 | .372 | 4.4% | 5.4% | 9.9% | -2.3% | 0.4% | |
Jose Valverde is on the perfect team: allowing game-tying home runs for a fanbase who can no longer feel additional anguish. | |||||||||||||
9 | 6 | 6 | 6.3 | 5.8 | 5.9 | .472 | .492 | 5.2% | 3.5% | 8.7% | 1.8% | 0.7% | |
This team just keeps sticking Josmil Pinto at DH and he hits a home run and they sweep the Royals and is that blood I taste? | |||||||||||||
10 | 6 | 6 | 5.4 | 5.5 | 5.7 | .473 | .453 | 8.0% | 8.8% | 16.8% | 2.3% | -1.1% | |
Right now Chase Utley is hitting the cover off the ball. When asked about it, he said "I think these baseballs are defective!" | |||||||||||||
11 | 6 | 6 | 6.1 | 5.5 | 5.8 | .488 | .468 | 8.8% | 9.5% | 18.3% | -3.6% | -6.7% | |
Being swept in Milwaukee is no fun. They can't all be games against the Cubs. The Office of the Commissioner made that very clear. | |||||||||||||
12 | 4 | 7 | 3.8 | 4.6 | 4.7 | .437 | .456 | 10.7% | 5.9% | 16.5% | -3.6% | -6.0% | |
Like ancient indigenous tribes, the Royals only need one home run and resourcefully use every part of it. | |||||||||||||
13 | 4 | 8 | 6.3 | 7.1 | 6.8 | .503 | .483 | 10.9% | 8.9% | 19.8% | -0.5% | -7.6% | |
30 percent of their runs this season were scored yesterday. | |||||||||||||
14 | 7 | 6 | 7.1 | 6.5 | 6.2 | .512 | .532 | 12.3% | 18.5% | 30.8% | 5.9% | 7.8% | |
Jose Bautista is sporting a funky .225/.446/.625 batting split and has more walks than Adam Dunn and Joey Votto combined. | |||||||||||||
15 | 6 | 7 | 6.3 | 5.8 | 6.0 | .473 | .493 | 13.1% | 7.3% | 20.4% | -2.9% | -4.2% | |
David Murphy has a team-best 11 RBI and hasn't batted in the top six of the lineup. Yet another way Cleveland is just like Texas. | |||||||||||||
16 | 7 | 6 | 6.8 | 7.1 | 7.1 | .506 | .526 | 13.5% | 6.6% | 20.1% | 2.1% | 5.0% | |
Are you sitting down? Get this: they have twice as many runs as the Tigers and Reds combined. Also please stay sitting down; we are in a rowboat. | |||||||||||||
17 | 6 | 6 | 5.0 | 5.5 | 5.0 | .475 | .495 | 14.1% | 17.2% | 31.2% | 4.1% | -0.5% | |
Quick, try to name the current rotation: yes, no, hurt, hurt, no, hurt, that's a football player, no, no, you already said him. | |||||||||||||
18 | 6 | 5 | 7.1 | 6.9 | 7.3 | .558 | .577 | 14.9% | 18.0% | 32.9% | -4.0% | -5.0% | |
We're back to the natural alignment of the universe where the only person who can close games in baseball is Fernando Rodney. | |||||||||||||
19 | 7 | 6 | 5.9 | 6.8 | 6.3 | .510 | .530 | 18.8% | 19.8% | 38.5% | 4.1% | 3.0% | |
There are about 75 gently-used first basemen floating in free agency limbo and they're going with Francisco Cervelli as their stopgap. | |||||||||||||
20 | 5 | 8 | 5.7 | 5.6 | 5.7 | .485 | .505 | 21.6% | 20.6% | 42.2% | -5.7% | -8.0% | |
On the bright side, Koji Uehera missing time due to an injury is a great way to extend his streak of days without giving up a run. | |||||||||||||
21 | 8 | 5 | 7.5 | 6.6 | 6.4 | .546 | .526 | 21.8% | 39.9% | 61.7% | 6.1% | -0.6% | |
We all know the real Home Run King is Madison Bumgarner. | |||||||||||||
22 | 8 | 4 | 7.7 | 8.2 | 8.3 | .586 | .567 | 28.4% | 19.4% | 47.8% | 0.5% | 4.3% | |
Aaron Harang is tied for the league ERA lead, which he usually does every year but this time the season has actually started. | |||||||||||||
23 | 6 | 6 | 7.2 | 7.3 | 6.8 | .555 | .575 | 33.7% | 22.2% | 55.9% | -1.3% | -0.1% | |
Raul Ibaņez continues to hit dramatic home runs and call it a "car phone." | |||||||||||||
24 | 10 | 2 | 9.2 | 9.7 | 9.7 | .650 | .631 | 34.1% | 19.9% | 54.0% | 2.6% | 20.3% | |
It's been a long time since the Brewers won nine straight games in April. You have to go back all the way to 2013, and they finished 74-88 that year. | |||||||||||||
25 | 8 | 4 | 8.3 | 8.3 | 8.4 | .606 | .625 | 37.1% | 22.2% | 59.3% | 5.6% | 14.6% | |
Brad Pitt has already turned down the chance to star in "The Week Jim Johnson Was Closer," a short film I wrote during a lunch break last week. | |||||||||||||
26 | 7 | 6 | 6.6 | 7.2 | 7.4 | .550 | .570 | 43.8% | 22.9% | 66.7% | -0.0% | -1.0% | |
Of all the Ben Zobrists in the world, you're the Ben Zobristest. | |||||||||||||
27 | 7 | 5 | 6.0 | 5.1 | 5.2 | .514 | .494 | 44.8% | 18.2% | 63.0% | 3.8% | 2.4% | |
Randy Choate has faced eight right-handed batters and six lefties, proving Mike Matheny is just tired of walking out there, man. | |||||||||||||
28 | 6 | 4 | 5.1 | 5.4 | 5.1 | .536 | .556 | 57.5% | 7.8% | 65.3% | -2.9% | -3.8% | |
Friday night: the team gets one hit. Saturday: Justin Verlander gets two hits. Sunday: the team treats themselves with a copy of Bad Company's "Greatest Hits." | |||||||||||||
29 | 7 | 5 | 7.0 | 6.4 | 6.6 | .557 | .537 | 58.1% | 15.8% | 73.9% | -1.7% | -0.9% | |
Two players on the team (Steven Souza, Blake Treinen), are making their MLB debut this year. Both are three years older than Bryce Harper. | |||||||||||||
30 | 9 | 4 | 7.9 | 7.9 | 7.6 | .605 | .585 | 70.4% | 20.1% | 90.5% | 1.3% | 3.1% | |
Their outfield is too crowded! (Three of their outfielders have an OPS below .700.) Trade one of them! |
Lose yourself in the Hit List/the wit list/you own it/you better never let it go.