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Prospectus Hit List for April 8



Hit List for April 7 Hit List for April 9
Teams are ordered based on Adjusted Hit List Factor, a computer generated number, and the author isn't responsible for the order of the teams.

RkTmWLW1W2W3HLFAHLFWin Div%Win WC%Playoff%1-Day7-Day
1

4

1

3.3

3.5

3.4

.620

.639

58.2%

9.5%

67.6%

-1.6%

6.0%

And the least popular carnival game in a recent survey according to the Society Of Crooked Carnies is the Throw The Ball Past Miguel Cabrera At Third Base booth.
2

4

2

4.6

4.3

4.3

.608

.626

21.0%

18.1%

39.1%

1.2%

4.6%

Hector Noesi was designated for assignment as soon as the team discovered his name is an anagram for "Not Cheerios." And who doesn't love Cheerios?
3

4

4

5.2

5.7

5.5

.599

.618

41.8%

24.8%

66.6%

-1.1%

-4.0%

"Hi, Dr. Andrews, I have this friend whose arm hurts..." "Matt Moore, I know it's you." "How did you know?" "You're still wearing your jersey."
4

4

3

4.5

4.9

4.9

.588

.607

26.9%

21.9%

48.8%

4.0%

4.9%

Theory: Daric Barton was actually released three years ago but nobody told him or the manager and he kept showing up.
5

4

2

4.1

4.6

4.7

.613

.594

22.8%

18.9%

41.7%

-1.8%

11.1%

Craig Kimbrel currently has a 0.00 WHIP in three innings with six strikeouts. Small sample size, but that number should soon regress to -50.00 WHIP and all strikeouts.
6

4

2

3.9

3.7

3.8

.598

.578

60.3%

16.2%

76.5%

1.8%

1.3%

The plan is to eventually move Ryan Zimmerman to first and Adam LaRoche to the back of the attic, to be discovered in 50 years by Zimmerman's curious grandchildren.
7

4

2

4.0

4.2

4.3

.592

.572

20.7%

14.4%

35.1%

1.4%

5.9%

The downside of a three-homer game on the road is now Ryan Braun has that many more apology phone calls to make.
8

5

3

4.2

4.9

4.6

.589

.569

65.1%

23.5%

88.6%

1.2%

-4.2%

The MRI on Yasiel Puig's thumb took forever because they had to keep telling him not to slide into the machine head first.
9

5

2

5.5

5.0

5.0

.580

.561

3.3%

4.2%

7.5%

1.0%

2.7%

Giancarlo Stanton had that wonderful dream again where he tethers himself to his own home run and leaves Miami forever :)
10

5

2

4.5

3.7

3.6

.571

.551

27.0%

38.0%

65.0%

2.6%

10.3%

Brandon Belt hit his fifth homer; Steve Suspenders still stuck at zero.
11

4

3

3.5

4.0

3.6

.529

.549

19.8%

21.0%

40.8%

5.3%

8.3%

In Yangervis Solarte, the Yankees finally have something the Red Sox don't: a hitting sensation cast off by the Minnesota Twins!
12

4

2

3.9

3.5

3.4

.552

.532

13.5%

11.1%

24.5%

-0.4%

0.4%

18th century pirates didn't regress to the mean, so why should these ones?
13

3

4

3.4

3.6

3.5

.512

.532

25.5%

21.9%

47.4%

-2.8%

-4.3%

It remains to be seen what the team will grow in solidarity this year; here's hoping it's bell peppers.
14

3

4

3.6

3.3

3.2

.508

.528

36.4%

20.0%

56.4%

0.3%

-3.7%

If Josh Hamilton is going to bat well this year, that's an entire folder of jokes I'll need to burn for fuel.
15

4

4

4.7

5.4

5.2

.545

.525

3.7%

12.9%

16.7%

2.3%

6.4%

Colorado has also been in better spirits ever since the state Congress legalized recreational Tulowitzki.
16

3

3

2.9

3.0

3.2

.493

.513

15.5%

9.2%

24.7%

2.2%

3.0%

The Royals don't have a home run yet, as they're all waiting for Billy Butler to leg one out inside the park.
17

3

3

3.4

3.5

3.4

.515

.495

9.1%

10.2%

19.3%

1.4%

-1.0%

There have been eight three-homer games by players in Citizens Bank Park. Two of them (Ryan Howard, Jayson Werth) was done by a Phillie.
18

3

3

2.7

2.7

2.7

.474

.494

14.3%

9.1%

23.4%

-1.2%

-4.7%

Over the weekend Cleveland traded for Colt Hynes for Duke von Schamann and Preston Guilmet for Torsten Boss. In a related story, your name is boring and stupid.
19

3

4

3.1

3.3

3.4

.464

.483

7.9%

4.8%

12.6%

-2.5%

-3.8%

<' Even money this is the team with the executive in favor of seven-inning games.
20

4

3

3.1

2.3

2.4

.484

.464

48.9%

15.4%

64.3%

3.7%

-1.0%

Jhonny Peralta has two hits on the season, both of them home runs. He'll run the bases when he's darn ready.
21

3

4

2.5

2.2

2.5

.435

.454

9.6%

14.5%

24.1%

1.2%

-2.6%

Wow, Mark Buehrle is throwing some heat! Never mind, the radar gun is stuck on km/h.
22

2

5

2.7

4.0

3.7

.474

.454

14.3%

10.1%

24.3%

-3.1%

-4.9%

Jonathan Broxton is off the disabled list, but his pants seamstress won't be back from materity leave for weeks!
23

3

4

3.1

2.7

2.7

.425

.445

4.1%

3.0%

7.1%

-0.9%

1.2%

Joe Mauer moves to first base and yet his backup has 11 more RBI than him.
24

3

4

2.4

2.0

2.1

.421

.441

15.2%

14.7%

30.0%

-1.7%

1.9%

The Rangers have three home runs on the year and two of them are by Elvis Andrus and Robinson Chirinos.
25

2

4

2.6

3.0

3.2

.452

.433

2.7%

3.2%

5.9%

-0.9%

-1.1%

I read the unofficial Cubs mascot knocked out a fan in a bar, but Old Style has that effect on lots of people.
26

2

5

2.3

1.5

1.6

.374

.392

3.3%

6.9%

10.2%

-2.0%

-6.3%

Delmon Young batted second yesterday for the first time in six years and recorded three hits, including a home run, pushing his inevitable release back a month to, let's say, July.
27

3

4

1.9

2.0

1.9

.361

.380

0.5%

0.6%

1.2%

-0.4%

-0.4%

Not sure why Matt Albers was placed on the paternity list. He'll get to spend time with his child as Baby Albers is scheduled to pitch Friday.
28

2

4

1.4

1.6

1.8

.385

.366

2.9%

9.8%

12.6%

-8.6%

-17.8%

Tommy Medica started as their DH last night. Be honest, Padres, on your road trip you forgot to pack a designated hitter.
29

2

7

2.5

2.7

2.8

.380

.361

1.3%

6.5%

7.8%

-1.5%

-5.1%

They've started 2-8 in two other seasons: 1998 (expansion year), and 2003 (something called Elmer Dessens led the team in starts).
30

2

4

2.0

1.4

1.5

.378

.359

4.5%

5.8%

10.2%

0.8%

-3.2%

Lifehack: bet a penny on Bartolo Colon winning a Silver Slugger; retire the richest man in the Western Hemisphere and spend all your time reading great Hit List jokes and drinking purified water from the sultan's personal refrigerator.