November 27, 2012

Punk Hits

Why Stadium Giveaways Are So Unbelievably Awful

by Ian Miller

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From: [NAME REDACTED], Director of Marketing, [TEAM NAME REDACTED]
To: [NAME REDACTED], Assistant Marketing Director
Subject: Re.: 2013 promotions schedule

Just got the 2013 promotions sched. Not pleased. Chia heads and baseball cards are borrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring. And the chia things are $$$!
Scrap it and start over. Let’s have some new ideas. Think outside the dang box for a change!
p.s. Budget still very much in the box. Sponsors won’t pay more than $1/patron. Get creative!

Sent from my Droid RAZR MAXX

***

From: [NAME REDACTED], Assistant Marketing Director
To: [NAME REDACTED], Director of Marketing
Subject: re. Re.: 2013 promotions schedule

Great news! I’m excited about the prospect of some new giveaway ideas!!
I’m partial to the “wearable blanket” (the unbranded version of the Snuggie or Slanket) or possibly some Thunder Sticks! (Although that might also be a brand name; I’m confident we can find an unbranded version of those as well, if that’s an issue!)

[NAME REDACTED]
Assistant Marketing Director, [TEAM NAME REDACTED]
Going all the way in 2013!

***

From: [NAME REDACTED], Director of Marketing, [TEAM NAME REDACTED]
To: [NAME REDACTED], Assistant Marketing Director
Subject: Re.: re. Re.: 2013 promotions schedule

Dammit, that’s so far in the box that we might as well just hand out boxes at the turnstiles! Ask those interns. We need a totally fresh perspective here.

Sent from my Droid RAZR MAXX

***

From: [NAME REDACTED], Assistant Marketing Director
To: interns@
Subject: New ideas for 2013 promotions

Hey guys (and girl!), put your thinking caps on, because I’ve got an assignment for you!
I took a look at the promotions calendar for next year, and frankly it looks pretty mundane. Let’s see if we can come up with some fresh new ideas, OK? So no Thunder Sticks or Slankets, ok? (LOL!)

[NAME REDACTED]
Assistant Marketing Director, [TEAM NAME REDACTED]
Going all the way in 2013!

***

From: Hunter
To: [NAME REDACTED], Assistant Marketing Director, interns@
Subject: Re.: New ideas for 2013 promotions

Beer

Sent directly from my brain

***

From: [NAME REDACTED], Assistant Marketing Director
To: Hunter, interns@
Subject: Re.: New ideas for 2013 promotions

Haha! Definitely outside the box, Hunter! But it’s got to be suitable for patrons of all ages!

[NAME REDACTED]
Assistant Marketing Director, [TEAM NAME REDACTED]
Going all the way in 2013!

***

From: Hunter
To: [NAME REDACTED], Assistant Marketing Director, interns@
Subject: Re.: New ideas for 2013 promotions

Nonalcoholic beer

Sent directly from my brain

***

From: [NAME REDACTED], Assistant Marketing Director
To: Hunter, interns@
Subject: Re.: New ideas for 2013 promotions

OK, you got me! :))
But no, nothing that can be used as a projectile either. Oh, and the budget per piece has got to be around a buck. Can’t wait to hear what you guys come up with!!

[NAME REDACTED]
Assistant Marketing Director, [TEAM NAME REDACTED]
Going all the way in 2013!

***

From: Elena
To: [NAME REDACTED], Assistant Marketing Director, interns@
Subject: Re.: New ideas for 2013 promotions

What about, like, hand sanitizer? The stadium is always so gross. I’m afraid to touch anything. Eww.

Elena _________
__________ Class of ‘15!

***

From: [NAME REDACTED], Assistant Marketing Director
To: Elena, interns@
Subject: Re.: New ideas for 2013 promotions

Good one, Elena! I’ll put that in the “maybe” column!

And keep ‘em comin’!!!

[NAME REDACTED]
Assistant Marketing Director, [TEAM NAME REDACTED]
Going all the way in 2013!

***

From: Hunter
To: Eelena, [NAME REDACTED], Assistant Marketing Director, interns@
Subject: Re.: New ideas for 2013 promotions

Cool, you can totally drink those

Sent directly from my brain

***

From: [NAME REDACTED], Assistant Marketing Director
To: Hunter, Elena, interns@
Subject: Re.: New ideas for 2013 promotions

OK, moving the hand sanitizer from “Maybe” to “No.”
Ideas, people! Let’s hear ‘em!! ^_^

[NAME REDACTED]
Assistant Marketing Director, [TEAM NAME REDACTED]
Going all the way in 2013!

***

From: Casey
To: [NAME REDACTED], Assistant Marketing Director, interns@
Subject: re.: Re.: New ideas for 2013 promotions

What about toothpicks? We could get these as cheap as $.03 if we ordered 50,000

http://www.staplespromotionalproducts.com/ProductDetail.aspx?id=9388

-Casey

***

From: Hunter
To: Casey
Subject: re.: Re.: New ideas for 2013 promotions

ur an idiot

Sent directly from my brain

***

From: [NAME REDACTED], Assistant Marketing Director
To: Casey, interns@
Subject: Re.: New ideas for 2013 promotions

OK, not a bad idea per se, but let’s try and come up with items that are a little more compelling shall we?
What about this guy? http://www.staplespromotionalproducts.com/ProductDetail.aspx?id=949 He’s a flash drive! Maybe we could get one who looks like a baseball player!

[NAME REDACTED]
Assistant Marketing Director, [TEAM NAME REDACTED]
Going all the way in 2013!

***

From: Hunter
To: [NAME REDACTED], Assistant Marketing Director, interns@
Subject: Re.: New ideas for 2013 promotions

flashing shot glass

http://promos-unlimited.logomall.com/productdetail/productdetail.aspx?DPSV_Id=153316&pSRVC_Id=41&id=294758

Sent directly from my brain

***

From: Elena
To: Hunter
Subject: Re.: New ideas for 2013 promotions

That is sooooo cool!

Elena _________
__________ Class of ‘15!

***

From: Casey
To: [NAME REDACTED], Assistant Marketing Director, interns@
Subject: re.: re.: Re.: New ideas for 2013 promotions

How about these bracelets?? I like how this one says “GOT R DID!” Just like our team “got r did” last season!

 

***

From: [NAME REDACTED], Assistant Marketing Director
To: Casey, interns@
Subject: re.: re.: Re.: New ideas for 2013 promotions

Now we’re cookin’, Casey! Good one!
Hey, what do you guys think of these cool “Risky Business” shades, huh??

http://www.4imprint.com/product/109494/Risky-Business-Sunglasses-Opaque

[NAME REDACTED]
Assistant Marketing Director, [TEAM NAME REDACTED]
Going all the way in 2013!

***

From: Hunter
To:  [NAME REDACTED], Assistant Marketing Director, interns@
Subject: re.: re.: Re.: New ideas for 2013 promotions

what’s a risky business

Sent directly from my brain

***

From: Elena
To:  [NAME REDACTED], Assistant Marketing Director, interns@
Subject: re.: re.: Re.: New ideas for 2013 promotions

I have no idea what that is lol

Elena _________
__________ Class of ‘15!

***

From: Casey
To: [NAME REDACTED], Assistant Marketing Director, interns@
Subject: re.: re.: Re.: New ideas for 2013 promotions

I thought this was really cool. It’s a ruler AND an “oven rack jockey” in one!


http://promos-unlimited.logomall.com/productdetail/productdetail.aspx?DPSV_Id=153316&pSRVC_Id=41&id=305773

We could put a cool slogan on it, like “Do You Measure Up, or Are You Too Hot to Handle?!?”
Just a thought!

-Casey

***

From: Hunter
To:  [NAME REDACTED], Assistant Marketing Director, interns@
Subject: re.: re.: Re.: New ideas for 2013 promotions

lol wtf


http://www.staplespromotionalproducts.com/ProductDetail.aspx?id=6836

Sent directly from my brain

***

From: [NAME REDACTED], Assistant Marketing Director
To: Casey, interns@
Subject: re.: re.: Re.: New ideas for 2013 promotions

Hey, I like what DQ has done here: http://www.promonorm.com/productdetail/productdetail.aspx?DPSV_Id=77194&pSRVC_Id=41&id=302021
Price point is too high, though -- can you guys find something in our budget?

[NAME REDACTED]
Assistant Marketing Director, [TEAM NAME REDACTED]
Going all the way in 2013!

***

From: Hunter
To:  [NAME REDACTED], Assistant Marketing Director, interns@
Subject: re.: re.: Re.: New ideas for 2013 promotions

all this is under $1
http://promos-unlimited.logomall.com/featuredproduct/index.aspx?DPSV_Id=677354

maybe we can get [REDACTED] shopping bags that our season ticket holders could wear over their heads. not sure if they do quantities that small tho, heh
http://promos-unlimited.logomall.com/productdetail/productdetail.aspx?DPSV_Id=677354&pSRVC_Id=41&id=295146

Sent directly from my brain

***

From: Elena
To:  [NAME REDACTED], Assistant Marketing Director, interns@
Subject: re.: re.: Re.: New ideas for 2013 promotions

We could make highlight reel DVDs and add scratch n’ sniff smells of the staff bathrooms, the locker rooms, and the grease trap at the concessions stand. So gross.

http://promos-unlimited.logomall.com/productdetail/productdetail.aspx?DPSV_Id=677353&pSRVC_Id=41&id=250428

***

From: Casey
To: [NAME REDACTED], Assistant Marketing Director, interns@
Subject: re.: re.: Re.: New ideas for 2013 promotions

Stress ball? http://www.4imprint.com/product/16018/Solid-Color-Stress-Ball
Egg hat? http://promos-unlimited.logomall.com/productdetail/productdetail.aspx?DPSV_Id=153316
Neck wallet? http://www.4imprint.com/product/5245/Neck-Wallet

-Casey

***

From: [NAME REDACTED], Assistant Marketing Director
To: interns@
Subject: re.: re.: Re.: New ideas for 2013 promotions

Good job, everyone. Good effort. I have a pounding headache and I’m going to take the afternoon off.
Let’s put a pin in this for now and revisit tomorrow.

[NAME REDACTED]
Assistant Marketing Director, [TEAM NAME REDACTED]
Going all the way in 2013!

***

From: Hunter
To:  [NAME REDACTED], Assistant Marketing Director, interns@
Subject: re.: re.: Re.: New ideas for 2013 promotions

you could probably grow weed in this

http://promos-unlimited.logomall.com/productdetail/productdetail.aspx?DPSV_Id=677353&pSRVC_Id=41&id=290285#

Sent directly from my brain

Ian Miller is an author of Baseball Prospectus. 
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