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July 3, 2012
BP Unfiltered
Cussin' in the Boys Room
by Jason Wojciechowski
Word has come down that Ozzie Guillen engaged in a "profanity-laced tirade" because his pitchers did not pitch well. Newspapers are squeamish about this sort of thing, so I worked the phones tirelessly tonight to find out exactly which profanities our dear Ozzie laced his speech with. A list:
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cow-bungling boon-nozzle
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son of a shinguard Franzen-lover
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cat-poaching sweat-frog
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pants-wearing stink-tree
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Mingus-chanting master-craftsman
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hair-bagging murder-balladeer
Multiple sources independently confirmed each of these cusses.
Jason Wojciechowski is an author of Baseball Prospectus.
Click here to see Jason's other articles.
You can contact Jason by clicking here
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Wow Jason. How long did this take? Will Ozzie mention Richard Ford or
John Coltrane in his next spew of vitrol?
My journalistic standards are high—making sure that each quote was exactly right took a lot of phone calls and checking. One person, and I won't say who, swore up and down that Ozzie said "Lethem" instead of "Franzen." I'm pretty sure dude had an agenda.