October 15, 2002
The Daily Prospectus
A Fan's Guide to the Series
by Derek Zumsteg
Fans, you may be confused by the topsy-turvy world of this year's playoffs. You may be looking at the paper and thinking "I guess the Yankees have another off day... that's what, a week of them in a row? At least they're well-rested.
Never fear. To better serve our readers and enhance shareholder value, we've compiled a list of who you should be cheering for, and why:
|
Fan of |
Cheer for |
Why |
|
Astros |
Giants |
Loved seeing LaRussa get ass handed to him after seeing him twenty times during season. |
|
Athletics |
Angels |
Cross-bay rivals must be stopped. |
|
Blue Jays |
Angels |
If the team that beats the Yankees wins Series, Steinbrenner goes insane. |
|
Braves |
Giants |
Only NL team not to have knocked Braves out of playoffs in last ten years. |
|
Brewers |
Angels |
By knocking off Twins, prevented further Selig-related embarassment in Metrodome. |
|
Cardinals |
Angels |
Ill feelings after Barry Bonds' clutch performances. |
|
Cubs |
Giants |
Annoying work ethic-centered Angels set bad example. |
|
Devil Rays |
Angels |
No franchise is without hope if the Angels can get to the World Series. |
|
Diamondbacks |
Giants |
Old timers remember New York Gothams fondly. |
|
Dodgers |
Angels |
Not permitted to cheer for Giants. |
|
Expos |
Whoever |
There aren't any fans in Montreal anyway. Even Jonah lives on the West Coast and goes to Angels games. |
|
Indians |
Giants |
If Barry can be this good this old, maybe Thome will have career year when Tribe's good again. |
|
Mariners |
Giants |
@#$@#% Rally Monkey kept Mariners out of playoffs. |
|
Marlins |
Death |
Franchise still in Loria hands. |
|
Mets |
Angels |
Beat the Yankees! |
|
Orioles |
Angels |
Syd Thrift loves monkeys. |
|
Padres |
Angels |
Had to see Bonds beat up on taped-together-rotation all year long. |
|
Phillies |
Giants |
Jeff Kent reminds them of Mickey Morandini, in a weird way, sort of. |
|
Pirates |
Giants |
Kent-Bonds relationship reminds them of "We Are Family" teams. |
|
Rangers |
Angels |
You try and go .500 in the AL West. |
|
Red Sox |
Angels |
The enemy of my enemy is my friend. Knocking the Yankees out early makes you my best friend. |
|
Reds |
Giants |
Gives hope it's not too late for Griffey to become Best Player Ever. |
|
Rockies |
Giants |
Winning Super Bowl forces teams to lose starting lineup due to salary cap... right? |
|
Royals |
Angels |
Maybe Muser was right all along with military analogies designed to get maximum effort from players. |
|
Tigers |
Angels |
Trammell plans to bring similar scrappy play to talentless collection of scrubs. |
|
Twins |
Angels |
Must root for nearly identical, hard-nosed-playing, uniform-dirtying guys. |
|
White Sox |
Angels |
Moderately talented squad with few huge contracts gives hope to fans of Reisdorf-owned, ill-managed club. |
|
Yankees |
Giants |
Angels win, entire NY braintrust replaced with members of Steinbrenner's home tribe. |
Hoping this helps you through these chaotic times,
Derek
6-4-3: Versteckte Bege... (10/16)
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